Customer Dis-service...

"I'm trying to give you my money, why are you making it so difficult?"

"In 1957, my grandparents were able to get ABC and NBC, why can't I?"

"Give me a second to grab a pen, I'm going to put you on hold for a second, there won't be any music, but just know, you're on hold."

I have uttered all of those statements in the last two weeks.

I'm not going to specially call out the company that provides my cable (not pictured).

Because in general, I'm quite a satisfied customer and have been for a while.

This isn't about a company.

This is about customer service, or lack thereof.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The customer is always right.

Seems a simple enough mantra doesn't it?

Whatever it takes to make the customer feel happy about spending his or her money on you, you do.

Makes sense to me.

So why is it, when it comes to phone customer service, (at least in my case), the customer is always angry???

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the most basic rule for me.

Get me to a human being.

I don't want to speak to your Avatar operator.

I don't want to be more specific with my complaint.

When I dial "0", let me speak to someone with a pulse.

The automated machines just serve to make me angry.

They have too many options, ask too many questions, and are super impersonal.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's talk about music.

If I wanted to hear awful music, I'd buy an album by John Tesh, Ke$ha, or Justin Bieber.

Don't patronize me.

Your easy listening doesn't calm me.

It makes me want to start throwing hands.

You want to play something? How about comedy? If I could hear some old George Carlin, that would do much more to lower my blood pressure.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't try to sell me when I'm calling to complain.

If my cable isn't working, why would I want to upgrade my service?

Hey your engine doesn't work, want new shiny rims?

No.

That's not even a bait and switch.

It's saying, I suck at what I'm providing, want more?

Hmmm, as tempting as that sounds.... know the difference between a complaint call and a sales call.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Don't argue with me.

I know what I've paid.

I know if Channel 6 is working or not.

I'm an educated dude, don't talk to me like I'm a 3rd grader.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's a novel idea, how about having a phone operator who is capable of handling more than one task.

If I mention a bill, I go to billing.

If I mention a tech support question, that's another department.

Heaven forbid I ask to speak to a manager.

The phone service business is more specialized than Tony LaRussa's bullpen, how about a little multi-tasking people?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the bottom line.

Things break.

I get it.

All I want out of a company is to know that when it goes down, I can talk to someone who can address my problem.

In our ever-technologically advancing society, it's a little human touch that means the most to me.

There's no app for human decency.... yet.