Dukie Lang's Blog

Say Goodnight To The Bad Guy...

2010-12-03T00:38:00.003-05:00

LeBron James and Dwyane Wade (not pictured) had each other's back on Thursday night.

It was beautiful to watch.

LeBron has something in common with the Cavs fans--- they both watched the 4th quarter.
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Cleveland brought their creativity.

LeBron brought his game.

Before the game, I facebooked that Michael Jordan would've scored 60 on a night like this.

LeBron had 38--- 24 in the 3rd quarter-- and didn't even play in the 4th.

I'm comfortable calling that a Jordan-esque performance.
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Best moment of the night happened in the pre-game.

LeBron approached the scorer's table.

Would he or wouldn't he?

Did he have the audacity to throw his chalk up into the air and make Cavs fans choke on his ego?

He did.

It was LeBron's way of saying--- whatever you want to do tonight--- I'm going to do my thing.
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But LBJ didn't go at it alone.

First play of the game--- Dwyane Wade gets a steal-- goes coast-to-coast for a slam.

Message sent by Wade.

We're a team.

We're here for you LeBron.

Doesn't matter what they say in the stands--- we got this.
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Admittedly, the Cavs are an awful basketball team.

The Heat SHOULD route them by double-figures.

But this was no ordinary circumstance.

Cleveland fans were pegging EVERY failure that their city ever had to endure--- on this one guy.

Honestly, it's time to move on.

A free agent opted out.

Happens quite frequently in sports.

Have a problem with it? Take it up with David Stern (I'm not going to humor anyone by addressing their stupid tampering charges--- Dan Gilbert is a crazy person).
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What's exciting about tonight is that it bodes well for the playoffs.

If you can survive a building filled with murderous rage--- you can handle just about any environment that's thrown at you.
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One of my favorite scenes in "Scarface" was when Tony Montana was dragged out of the restaurant---drunk, high, angry.

Others were gawking at him and he told them--- say goodnight to the bad guy.

He's the guy that others NEED to look at, point at, talk about.

Without the bad guy, people would have to confront their own quotidian lives.

LBJ was the bad guy in Cleveland.

He moves on with a virtuoso performance.

Cavs fans are now stuck in Cleveland.

Advantage James.

Calling All UM Alums....

2010-11-28T02:01:00.005-05:00

Now that Randy Shannon is not pictured--- Miami must make a CRITICAL choice.

Are they going to be a part of major college football or are they not?

It's as simple as that.

Miami needs to hit a home run with their next coaching hire.

This cannot be done on the cheap.

To me, the key is to tap into their NFL alumni base.
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One of the biggest sources of pride for Canes fans--- is how many former Canes are successful in the NFL.

Every Sunday--- we see players proudly throw up the "U" sign during NFL games.

And then--- in the same breath--- we're told that the school doesn't have enough money for facilities--- doesn't have enough money to pay big name coaches.

It's a bunch of bunk.
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If those NFL players are SO proud of their school--- time to put their money where their mouth is.

Take one game-check--- put it in a fund.

Guaranteed--- you'd have enough to go out and get a MONSTER coach.

Is it Jon Gruden?

I don't know.

This decision is on Kirby Hocutt.
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As for Randy, he wasn't a good football coach.

It's that simple.

On gameday, he was consistently outcoached.

His players didn't get better during their time at UM.

We don't know about him as a "recruiter" because--- once the guys got to campus they were never properly instructed.

So how can we know if they reached their ultimate potential?
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To his credit--- Randy ran a clean program.

Players were not arrested and they received their diplomas.

That's great.

But honestly--- what's the point of running a clean program if the whole sport is dirty?

College football is as corrupt as can be.

The work-force---ie the players--- aren't paid.

Meanwhile, the schools make MILLIONS going to bowl games and coaches get fat contracts.

Miami can pretend to take the high moral ground--- or they can get in the mix.

That's the decision now for the school.

Do they want to be a major program or do they want to be mired in mediocrity?

I hope they go big.

7-win seasons don't do much for me.

STOP CHILLIN...

2010-11-22T22:11:00.002-05:00

Chris Bosh put it best.

After a brillant performance against Phoenix, Bosh said--- we just want to Chill (not pictured).

He said--- Coach Spoelstra wanted to work--- so they met in the middle.

Look at what happened tonight.
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Indiana is a borderline playoff team.

They haven't been there in four years.

And yet-- with all 3 Kings healthy--- the Pacers WAXED the Heat on their home court by double-digits.

What the heck is wrong with the Heat?
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Injuries are a factor but not an excuse.

Udonis Haslem is out for a WHILE now--- which stinks since he's the heart and soul of the team.

He and former college roommate Mike Miller both have suffered long-term injuries.

That hurts.

But come on.

You have LeBron James, Chris Bosh, and Dwyane Wade on the floor.

You should be in every game, and in particular, EVERY home game.
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Wade had an awful night from the floor.

He was nursing a sore wrist.

Again, that's reasonable, but not an excuse.
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Somebody needs to slap this team around--- and not just mediocre opponents.

No more Mr. nice Spo.

He'd better learn from his mentor Pat Riley, or he'll be replaced by him.

Either way--- tonight's loss should never have happened.

I blame the players' mentality and that falls on Spo.

I Want Riles, And Awesome Decision Passing On Matt Ryan

2010-11-12T01:30:00.004-05:00

I've often been accused of overthinking things.

I sit and analyze and then I go over the same thing in my head again and again.

Sometimes the simplest answers are staring you right in the face.

So allow me a few knee-jerk reactions (not pictured).
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Pat Riley is the best coach in the Heat organization right now.

Is that a crazy thought?

I know he's not coaching.

I know he's in his 60s.

But if you want to tell me that Erik Spoelstra gives the Heat a better chance to win RIGHT NOW--- you're lying.

Yes, it's great to develop a young talent.

Spo's a great story who worked his way up from the video room.

Time to go back there.
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Riley can take you places, that other coaches can't.

Stan Van Gundy was given basically the same roster with the Heat--- couldn't get it done.

Riley took over.

15 Strong--- Championship.

You going to tell me Spo is better than Stan?
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Riley's foundation is defense.

Even with the showtime Lakers--- who always converted defense to offense (triggering their fastbreaks).

The Heat team right now has no identity.

They have been exposed TWICE by the Celtics who are an ELITE, superior team.

They are sick of hearing about Miami.

Which is why Paul Pierce tweeted after the game..."It's been a pleasure to take my talents to South Beach"--- ouch.

Miami needs to gel--- but they need to do it under the man who uses lots of gel.
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The Dolphins have a quarterback crisis.

They kicked Chad Henne in the groin and said--- you ain't the man.

Let's go to a broken, surgically repaired 34 year old who throws like a woman (I happen to be a Chad Pennington fan).

The Dolphins passed on Matt Ryan in the draft.

Matt Ryan is 18-1 at home as a starter.

The Fins haven't won a home game this year.

I like Jake Long.

He'll block for mediocre quarterbacks for the next decade.
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Sometimes the talk-radio crowd and the masses react too quickly.

Other times, they just point out the obvious.

Riley should coach the Heat and the Dolphins were dumb to pass on Matty Ice.

Your thoughts...

Sour Note...

2010-11-10T00:01:00.007-05:00

LeBron had a triple double, Wade almost had 40, Bosh played a solid game, the Heat built a 20 point lead at home, and they lost??

Huh?

That doesn't make sense.

Although the Heat were playing a very-well coached team in the Utah Jazz (not pictured).
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Most Heat fans haven't heard of Paul Millsap before tonight.

They know him now.

46 points.

Clutch shot after clutch shot after clutch shot.

It was something to behold.

You'd figure with 3 allegedly all-world players, PRIDE would kick in at a certain point.

ONE Player on the Heat would say--- back off--- this mofo is mine.

Never happened.
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That whole--- we must protect this house---- mentality NEEDS to be installed in the Heat.

And that needs to be done yesterday.

Miami needs to know.

No matter WHAT happens, team don't make 20 point comebacks in the Heat's house.

Shouldn't happen again.

They're still figuring things out.

They're still gel-ing.

But come on, that's not supposed to happen to this team, not now.

LeBron made Cleveland an impossible road stop--- same needs to happen here.
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End of Game situations need work.

TWO closely contested games have ended in 2 Eddie House last second 3 point attempts.

That's not a good shot.

That's not the right guy shooting it.

You can't inbound it to Wade? Come up with better inbound plays.

Spo, this is where you earn your money.

Most nights it'll be a cake-walk.

But against good opponent, you'll have to earn it.

Bring this group together and create a trust where--- Wade or LeBron gets the last shot.

Those are your choices.
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You know, finishing games doesn't just apply to players.

Fans who left with 5 minutes left, how stupid do you feel?

Sit it out.

Traffic's NOT that bad.

Heat tickets are expensive.

Enjoy the game.

It's not a Dolphins game where fans leave early because it's hot out.

It is climate controlled.

You're already out.

It's embarrassing that the Heat were playing in front of a half-empty (does that make me a pessimist) arena in crunch time.

Driving home--- how'd you feel as you heard the Jazz comeback?
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Finally, I hope Randy Shannon was taking notes.

Jerry Sloane is as good as they come.

And his specialty on this night was clock management.

Utah used fouls and timeouts, along with flukey threes, to elongate the game and give themselves an opportunity to win.

What a concept!

There's a reason they're good every year.
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I'm not bugging out about the Heat.

They're going to lose games.

20 point leads they shouldn't lose.

Home games they shouldn't lose.

And on Eddie House 3's they shouldn't lose.

Time to regroup and beat Boston on Thursday.

Why The Dolphins Need To Cut Channing Crowder...

2010-11-07T22:01:00.002-05:00

I try to keep things light around here.

I like to have fun on the blog.

But I'm dead serious when I say this: The Miami Dolphins need to cut Channing Crowder and the NFL needs to suspend him for at least 1 game.
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There are two things that Channing Crowder is not: 1. A good football player 2. Funny.

We in the media tend to put him on television--- because frankly--- he's the most interesting soundbite in the locker room.

He's goofy, he's silly.

I've heard him described as playful.
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But here's what's not ok.

Cracking Anne Frank jokes after a football game.

Crowder claims that Baltimore's Le'Ron McClain spit in his face.

So Crowder was mad.

Here's how Professor Crowder was quoted in the Sun Sentinel talking about the refs:

“They said they didn’t see it,” Crowder said. “Then they said something about they let Karlos Dansby get away with a facemask before. Who the f— cares? I just got spit in my face. I don’t give a damn about Karlos pulling somebody’s facemask.
“Like they didn’t see Chad Henne get hit twice when he slid. No, no, they say, “Aaah.” Stevie Wonder and Anne Frank. Who’s the blind girl? Helen Keller, then. I don’t know who Anne Frank is. I’m mad right now. I’m not as swift as I usually am.”
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First of all, you not knowing who Anne Frank is, makes you moron.

I'm sorry the University of Florida didn't teach you anything.

8th graders read her diary.

Secondly, even if you do and you're just kidding, it's not funny.

She was hiding bravely from the Nazis.

You hide from making plays.

And third of all, I heard that he was quoting "Clerks 2."

Look, I enjoy Kevin Smith's work as much as the next guy... But out of context holocaust references don't work when you play for Miami--- a town with a very large Jewish population.
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I know the world has become too PC.

I know that people are too sensitive.

But Channing Crowder has gotten a free pass for his mouth and honestly, I don't think it's cool to joke about the holocaust.

Especially when you only make four tackles and your team gets their ass kicked.

Channing Crowder is a joke of a player and brings shame to a franchise.

I don't know which he needs more, sensitivity training or tackling drills.

Either way, he shouldn't be wearing a Dolphins uniform.

Miami's Quarterback Question...

2010-11-07T01:19:00.004-04:00

Feels SO good to be blogging again!

It's been a while. In the interest of explanation--- I just moved and have been without high speed for a week.

The Canes have been without Jacory Harris for a week--- and looked good.

So, should the U stick with Stephen Morris (not pictured)?
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Here's what pissed me off watching Saturday's game.

Mark Whipple made a reasonable gameplan.

He used the running game extensively, and simplified the playbook to reasonable/makeable passing plays for the true Freshman.

And shockingly--- Miami looked more efficient.

Why didn't Whipple do that sooner?
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The old--- chuck it 30 yards downfield and hope the receiver makes a play-- philosophy, needs to go.

Miami's play-makers are talented (specifically Leonard Hankerson and Travis Benjamin)... But they're not Andre Johnson and Santana Moss.
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When Jacory stops seeing stars, I'm not sure if I want Morris or I want Harris.

I do know I want this version of Whipple.

I want the guy who doesn't try to get too cute for his own good.

I want the guy who uses his rushing attack.

I want the guy who doesn't encourage his QB to throw into triple-coverage.
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Now to the Randy Shannon issue.

During games I ask myself the following question: Do the Hurricanes look like a well-coached team?

When they burn all three timeouts in the 3rd quarter--- is that the trait of a well-coached team?

When they consistently have CRUCIAL penalties against them and constantly shoot themselves in the foot--- is that a well-coached team?

When the alleged talent level isn't close to the performance on the field--- is it a well-coached team?

You don't need to go much deeper than that.

All the staying-out-of-trouble stuff and the academic stuff are great.

That is, if your name is Donna Shalala.

But when you have an empty student section--- and a demoralized fan base--- it's hard to defend Randy.

At least the freshman QB looked good.

Are You Gel-in?

2010-10-26T23:08:00.003-04:00

It may take a little while for the Heat to gel (not pictured).

Tonight in Boston, quite simply, was a mess.

On offense, the Heat had absolutely no game-plan, no way to attack to attack the Celtics.

Dwyane Wade played what could be his worst game of the year.

Chris Bosh wasn't even in double-figures scoring (which may never happen again).

And yet, Miami was only down by 3 points with just over a minute left.

Be afraid rest of the NBA, be very afraid.
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I was infinitely more concerned with the Heat's defensive approach than I was with offense.

These guys are world-class talents.

They'll figure out how to complement each other offensively.

That's not the issue.

My question heading into the game was simple: Will this team have the WILL to play consistent team defense, every night???

The answer: appears to be yes.
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While Wade, LeBron, and Bosh are all proven offensively, they all LOVE playing defense.

You can see the JOY this team takes in cutting off passing lanes, taking charges, and trying to run out the other way.

That's going to be this team's biggest strength: transition.

When it's going well, no one is going to be able to run with the Heat (not even the Suns).
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Look at the opponent.

The Boston Celtics are the most cohesive unit in the NBA.

They have a dominant point guard, who is distributing to four sure-fire Hall of Famers in KG, Shaq, Pierce, and Allen.

This team has played together for years (with the exception of Shaq who is a place-holder until Kendrick Perkins returns).

They were within a game of winning the NBA Finals last year.

It was in their house, one of the most historic and intimidating venues possible.

The Heat played like garbage for 3 quarters, and were within 3 points with a minute left on the road.
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Sure, the Heat are 0-1 in the record books.

Losing is never fun.

But Dwyane Wade played an AWFUL game, and Miami JUST lost.

How many times could you say that in the last five years?

It was Wade at peak performance, or no chance.

Not anymore.

This team won't match the 72' Dolphins for perfection, but I wouldn't want to play them in January.

Back In The Saddle...

2010-10-24T23:37:00.010-04:00

Hi everybody.

I'm back.

Been away for a few days.

I've been in mourning (not pictured) since my Yankees were eliminated ignominiously from the playoffs.

As such, we have some catching up to do.
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FINALLY SOME FUN

Let's start with the Canes game this weekend.

There aren't TOO many X's and O's to take away from it.

The simple fact is this: The Canes had FUN for probably the first time all year. That's what it looked like to me.

The opening of the season has been a little joyless for me.

The opening game was meaningless. Ohio State was frustrating. Pittsburgh was pressure packed. Clemson was a struggle. FSU was an embarrassment. Duke was sloppy.

Finally, the Canes went out and had a good time.

The iconic moment from the game was Sean Spence literally SPANKING Brandon Harris following an interception. Doing the bulldance, feeling the flow, working it, working it.

I have a friend who has the AUDACITY to say that it wasn't worth 15 yards.

OF COURSE it was.

15 yards I'd HAPPILY accept (I know coach Shannon would not agree with me).

But it gets better for Miami.

There were players YELLING at each other on the sidelines (Vaughn Telemaque is quickly becoming a leader)... The guys were jumping up and down dancing to a song.

EMOTION, PASSION, dare I say it? A bit of swagger.

Congrats to Randy and the Canes.

They really needed that.
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TO ALL THE PEOPLE WHO LOVE REPLAY

May I submit to you Sunday's Dolphins game.

Everyone always argues, "IF you have replay, it takes the human element out of the game."

Well, there was replay.

Many humans looked at a piece of video for the key play in that game.

They ALL got it wrong.

Replay isn't fool-proof and it certainly isn't idiot-proof.

Big Ben seems to get away with EVERYTHING doesn't he?

Still, the Miami Dolphins need to look in the mirror.

You don't beat the Pittsburgh Steelers by kicking field goals.

That's a great opponent with a bad-ass defense.

Valiant effort, not good enough.

Dol-fans should be pissed.

Dolphins players need to get better.
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BRONX BUMMERS

Thanks to Robinson Cano, Mariano Rivera, and CC Sabathia for making this Yankees season enjoyable for me.

They were the only three players who consistently performed and acted like they were ready to win another championship.

What a moment to epitomize a season.

The Yankees go down as AROD stands lonely at the dish, haplessly watching the 3rd strike go by.

It was a weak title defense.

They didn't even win the division.

Joe Girardi pushed just about EVERY wrong button he could throughout the series.

But even so, Texas was the better team.

The hardest part for me to take has been waching the decline of Derek Jeter.

Let's hope it was just a bad year.

I suspect it could be worse.
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COWBOY DOWN

Can't wait for Monday Night Football.

The Giants have the Cowboys in a position to END their season.

It's a MONSTER division game.

And I couldn't be more concerned!

The Cowboys have nothing and so, they have nothing to lose.

This game can begin their turnaround.

They are a team that's made a living shooting themselves in the foot (save me the Plaxico jokes).

But there's no question that they have talented players.

On the other hand, The Giants have a knack for snatching defeat from the jaws of victory.

However, I don't trust Tony Romo.

And yet, as much as I love watching him play, Eli Manning scares me sometimes in big games.

So yeah, I have no idea what's going to happen.
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GIANTS WIN THE PENNANT

As for the OTHER Giants, the San Francisco Giants, how can you not root for them? (other than being a Dodger fan)...

If anyone has a "team of destiny" look to them, it's the Giants.

They have AMAZING pitching, they are riding the hot bat of Marlins cast-off Cody Ross, and they have a bullpen that looks like a soup kitchen.

I swear, when they run out, I'm not sure if I want to cheer for them, or give them a sandwich.
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GONE IN A FLASH

There's something else happening this week.

What the hell is it?

Thinking, thinking...

Oh yes, the Heat open Tuesday night in Boston.

CANNOT wait.

Dwyane Wade said on twitter he will no longer be going by Flash.

I've been inspired.

Can you please stop calling me wonder woman?

Thanks,
The Management

My Irrational Love Of The Yankees...

2010-10-19T00:22:00.007-04:00

It's after midnight and I'm having a hard time digesting the Yankees 8-0 loss to the Texas Rangers (not pictured).

Cliff Lee (who hopefully will be donning pinstripes next year) threw an absolute masterpiece.

It's a game that you MAY have expected to lose or at least struggle in.

And yet, here I sit at 12:25 disgusted and unable to sleep.
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I fully recognize how silly the love of sports can be.

In my mind, I can do all the jumping jacks to talk myself down from being upset.

It's just a game.

One you didn't play in.

They'll get 'em tomorrow night.

You can't win every year.

Doesn't work.
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To my credit, I've gotten better.

The year was 1995.

The Yankees had NEVER won a playoff game in my lifetime.

It was Don Mattingly's last season.

Game 5 of the opening round against Seattle.

The Yankees are UP in extra innings and for SOME ungodly reason, Buck brings in Jack McDowell to close it out.

Why?

Many people remember, Edgar Martinez doubled to drive in Ken Griffey Junior and end the Yankees' season in heartbreak.

What you may not have known is that a 14-year old boy in Hollywood, Florida dropped to his knees and wept.

I mean loudly sobbed.

I'm not sure if I cried that hard when my grandparents died (I realize how awful that sounds).

My parents gave me the lecture.

It's just a game.

There will be others.

You can't live your life like this.
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But I have, for the most part.

I've toned it down a bit.

Having a job, a girlfriend, and a life help.

But they're not the end-all, be-all.

The Yankees have carved themselves an immovable piece in my heart.

Watching their games is part of my identity.

More importantly for me, it brings normalcy and routine to the world.

The 162 game grind has them there for me every day, to follow the box scores, losing streaks, and wins.
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And then there's the baseball playoffs.

So much tension in every single pitch.

Each moment can literally be the difference between a season's life or death.

With the Yankees everything is magnified because of their payroll, history and expectations.

Plus, they're old.

You never know when or if these guys will be back again.

There are no moral victories in the Bronx.

You're either champs or bums.

There is no middle ground.
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And so I sit.

Staring at the beautiful skyline of downtown Miami.

My awesome girlfriend sleeps peacefully in the bed.

And all I can think about is why Girardi is throwing AJ instead of CC on 3 days' rest.

There's a reason fan is short for fanatic.

Biggest Game Of His Career...

2010-10-18T09:32:00.004-04:00

This is the biggest week of Randy Shannon's coaching life at the University of Miami.

If he doesn't figure things out quickly, his job could be in jeopardy (not pictured--- his job that is).

After a debacle against Florida State and an unnecessarily close contest against Duke, Miami welcomes Butch Davis and North Carolina to Sun Life Stadium on Saturday night.
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Randy is 0 for Butch so far at Miami.

I remember being on the bus coming home from North Carolina last year, and one of the assistant coaches muttering under his breath 'I can't believe we lost to these guys AGAIN.'

It was a long, quiet flight home from Chapel Hill.

Jacory single-handedly threw that game away with several costly interceptions.

That was the game where he allegedly hurt his thumb.
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Perception is reality.

It might have been unreasonable for Miami fans to expect to move from the Big East to the ACC and absolutely dominate.

Maybe the standards were too high.

But, that's the way it is.

That was the expectation.

And Miami hasn't even been in the same neighborhood as dominating.

Instead, they haven't even made the ACC Championship game.

The quickest way to get fired in coaching is to fail to live up to high expectations.
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The path to that Championship game runs through North Carolina.

Both teams are 2-1 in the Coastal division, trailing Virginia Tech.

A loss and Miami likely won't be able to make the ACC Championship game.

The Canes still have Virginia Tech looming.

They play Beamer ball.

It's a style encompasses great special teams and a bad-ass defense.

What is Shannon-ball?
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North Carolina is a basketball school.

Make no mistake about it.

During my time in the state, the goings on of the Tarheels hoops team dominated the Herald Sun, Raleigh-Durham News and Observer, and 850 the Buzz sports-talk.

No one REALLY cared about football up there.

If Miami can't get past a middle-of-the-road, basketball school in their conference, where is the program at?

This is a hurdle that Randy Shannon simply has to clear.
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Miami had an expression that they used a LOT last year.

It was sort of a mantra of the players and coach Shannon: No excuses.

Time to live up that mantra.

A loss on Saturday, and it's time to update the resume.

Wear A Uniform, Win A Talkshow

2010-10-15T00:43:00.005-04:00

I woke up this morning and thought it was 1987.

I kept searching for a time machine (not pictured).

Why was Melvin Bratton on the front page of the Miami Herald sports section?

Turns out, he had some harsh words for the Canes program.
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As I read it, I thought, jeez, slow news day.

Was Carlos Huerta unavailable for comment?

They couldn't reach Eddie Brown?

Perhaps Ted Hendricks had a few thoughts?

I let it go.

Later in the day, a friend asked me on facebook what I thought of his comments.

My response was: Why is Mel Bratton the spokesman for the 2010 Canes?
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One of the local radio stations has a policy.

If you have ever worn a UM uniform, you get your own talk show.

It's an interesting giveaway.

As such, I'm inundated with Michael Irvin, Gino Torretta, Randal Hill, Lamar Thomas, and Sebastian the Ibis. (I made that last one up, though I might give them an idea--- wouldn't be the first time).

What I've learned listening to these various hosts (besides that talk shows are for people who are you know--- broadcasters) is the following:

There is a leadership void at the University of Miami.
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I'll use the analogy of one my other great loves, Duke basketball.

Sure, Duke is a program proud of its tradition.

But, when they lose a big game, Christian Laettner isn't ripping the current guys. We don't have to worry about Bobby Hurley going off.

Instead, the man who STEERS the tradition and who built it, Coach K is the ONE voice.

That's what leadership is about sometimes, one voice.
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Now look at Miami football.

It's as if some of the guys haven't been told that the "U" documentary is no longer filming.

The voice of the program needs to be Randy Shannon.

He is a bridge between past, present and future.

But because 1. his team is not performing well 2. he looks at interviews as tooth extractions with microphones, there's no unified message going out to Canes nation.

900 former Canes have stepped up to fill the void.

700 of them have their own talk shows in town.
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This Miami program should embrace its past greatness and its former players.

But you know what's more important than that?

Not getting your ass kicked by four touchdowns at home by Florida State.

That should be a little higher on the priority list.

I don't care what the Class of 1986 has to say.

They had their time.

I'm anxious to see what the Class of 2010 is going to do.

At this point, it hasn't been much.

Miner Miracle, Major Splaining To Do...

2010-10-13T22:36:00.005-04:00

Truth is stranger than fiction.

There was a man in Chile who spent 69 days trapped underground and that's not nearly the biggest hole this miner (not pictured) has dug for himself.

I'll leave all the other "up with people" and "we are the world" stories for others to write.

To me, the most fascinating element of this entire story is the miner for whom this whole affair, uncovered his affair.
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Yonni Barrios probably thought he would be lauded when he arrived back on the surface.

He was called the "doctor" and helped vaccinate the other Chilean miner's during their time underground.

What a feel good story.
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Ah, but it was that darned mistress.

She had to peak her head out at the exact wrong time.

While there was a vigil for the trapped miners Yonni's wife called out his name.

Understandable, sweet.

But wait, there's more!

So did his mistress!!!

Of all the ways to be called out for cheating!

That's gotta be on top of the list.

The producers for the TV show "Cheaters" should all retire, they're NEVER going to top that.

Goodnight everyone, thanks for playing.
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Let's compare that to other recent dogs in the news.

Tiger Woods and Brett Favre.

Tiger got called out because the sheer volume of infidelity was overwhelming and like an avalanche it finally consumed all.

Brett's incomplete pass included texting a dong-shot to a 25 year old girl who happen to be employed by the same company.

Those are brash, bold, arrogant acts that say 'I'm above ever getting found out'...

All the Chilean miner did was get trapped (literally and figuratively).
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Jacques Chirac famously brought both his wife and mistress to state events in France.

Oh those wacky French with their differing sexual mores.

Guess it doesn't work like that in Chile.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After being rescued, who awaited the doctor?

That's right, his faithful mistress.

The wife didn't show.
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What I love about this story is it's morally complex.

The guy's cheating was wrong.

That's clear.

But does he get a pass for pain and suffering?

He did just have to spend months trapped in hell.

Some guys have to sleep on the couch for their misdeeds, he endured worse.

I don't know if Yonni Barrios drinks Dos Eqis, but he is, the most interesting man in the world.

Portrait Of A Programmer....

2010-10-11T22:35:00.009-04:00

Allow me to be the first person to tell you "The Social Network" is an excellent movie.

I mean really good.

I mean, we'll be hearing a lot from it on Oscar night.

So I won't join the pile of critics telling you how great the movie is, no need.

Instead, I want to analyze the portrayal of Mark Zuckerberg (not pictured--- but impeccably played).
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In this culture, we're often told the benefits of a balanced life.

Work hard, play hard.

Treat your body well.

Work to live, don't live to work.

That's all well and good.

But the truth is, to reach TRUE elite status, you have to be insane.

From all accounts of Mark Zuckerberg, he's a programming lunatic.
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I watched the film and read Ben Mezrich's "The Accidental Billionaires" (which was a fun read).

The book and movie make it seem like Mark Zuckerberg was motivated by a myriad of interests.

The primary objective, was the same thing many college guys want, girls. Who among us didn't want to achieve greatness to attract a little attention?

Secondly, the film makes him seem seduced by the constant party offered by Sean Parker (portrayed by Justin Timberlake who has really developed into a fine actor---though he needs to make more music).

With his medusa-like hair and baller-lifestyle, we see Zuckerberg fall in love with the idea of programming by day, hitting on Stanford/BU co-eds by night.
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I think that's one way to look at it.

But I don't think the character is quite as complex.

I think there's only one thing that obsesses Mark Zuckerberg, programming.

That's it.

The dude was a hacker when his buddy spotted him $1,000 to build thefacebook; he was a hacker when he had a BILLION dollars from facebook.

It didn't matter to him.
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There's a legendary story about Bill Gates being in school, and searching the garbage cans of the computer lab for extra code to play with.

That's the nature of this rare beast.

You can't fake it.

You can't seduce it.

You can't tempt it.
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There is an inherent irony in a kid founding the most popular social network, who lacks all social skills.

But he's not just your run-of-the-mill geek.

I think the reason that we see Zuckerberg throw away his only relationships and his fundamental ability to relate to others is based on the fact that he doesn't live in this world.

His mind is in the programming world.

Throughout the movie and book, he's portrayed as obnoxious, flippant, defiant, and disinterested in big lawsuits against him.

One of his attorneys tells him "you're not an ***hole, you just try really hard to be one."
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I beg to differ.

I don't think he tries hard to be anything.

I think he's truly an eccentric.

They say Albert Einstein used to wear the same suit every day, because he didn't want to think about his wardrobe.

I put Zuckerberg in that same class (of obsession--- not necessarily genius).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Money is a means to an end.

I don't know how Zuckerberg spends his (other than making large donations on the Oprah show).

But I think if he didn't invent facebook, he would've invented another amazing website.

Whether he stole the idea or not is immaterial.

You can give musical notes to a schlub or you can give them to John Coltrane.

I know my life has been vastly improved by facebook.

I'm glad to have lived in a time of such a quirky innovator.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm writing a screenplay about the founding of twitter.

OWNED

2010-10-10T01:48:00.004-04:00

It was a tough night for Miami fans (not pictured) and a great one for Florida State fans (still not pictured--- you come up with a new one when your team just got their asses kicked 45-17 at home).

There's not much to analyze.

Miami was ABSOLUTELY OWNED by FSU on Saturday.

Florida State was better prepared, better coached, had better players, did a better job.
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For Miami, it's back to the drawing boards.

You aren't as good as you thought you were.

I'm not going to single anyone out, because frankly, everyone sucked.

The offense was awful and lost.

They were uninspired.

The playcalling was terrible.

Jacory's always hurt one way or another.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The defense was no better.

The d-line was abused.

In a bad sign, the pictures of the entire linebacking core was on the back of the milk carton I just drank from. (incidentally, milk was a bad choice)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special teams? What special teams?

Bosher missed (wide left).

Florida State started EVERY possession in Miami territory (Reid is the truth and Miami's coverage blows).
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
So instead of providing "analysis" when there's nothing to analyze.

I'll pull out a George Carlin quote.

I don't know if I'm QUITE as this point, but I can use a good laugh.

"I've decided it's not necessary to suffer and feel crappy just because my teams suck. What I do now is cut 'em loose for awhile. I simply let them go about losing, as I go about living my life. Then, when they've improved, and are doing well once again, I get back on board and enjoy their success. Yeah, I know, I can hear it: diehard, ***hole loyal sports fans screaming "Front-runner!" Goddamn right! Don't be so ***in juvenile. Teams are supposed to provide pleasure and entertainment, not depression and disappointment. "

RIP George Carlin.

RIP Canes' season.

Hamstrung...

2010-10-06T10:46:00.003-04:00

It's all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

Right as I was settling into my seat to enjoy the Heat's new dynamic trio, Dwyane Wade hurts his hamstring (pictured, well not his specifically).

Talk about sucking the life out of a building.
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First of all, that I was going to a PRESEASON NBA game in early October was unique.

I've been credentialed to cover the Heat since 2003, and I'm not sure if I've ever gone to one.

So, I'm walking towards the arena at about 5 (public transportation in Miami sucks) and I see scalpers.

That's right SCALPERS.

For a preseason game!

More than two hours before tip-time!

My favorite scalper was wearing a pair of handcuffs, while an undercover cop in a Wade jersey phoned it in.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First thing I see when I get courtside to help with our liveshot is the following: Wade, LeBron, and Bosh all warming up together.

How amazing is that?

It's over 2 hours before a preseason game, and 2 of the greatest 5 players on planet earth are feet from me warming up.

After the game, Wade said that was the strange moment for him too (not seeing me--- being out there with his teammates early).

Flash looked at them and thought--- wow, these are my teammates.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Finally, it was close to tip-time.

The building wasn't TOTALLY packed, but it was a LARGE crowd.

The scene that unfolded was surreal.

LeBron walked over to the far scorer's table, grabbed his chalk, and threw it straight up in the air.

Not to be outdone, Wade walked over to both sides of the court and raised his hands, getting the crowd pumped.

This team will lead the league in pregame rituals.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
The first few possessions, the intensity was tremendous.

You could see the Big 3 PUSHING for that highlight play.

Wade and LeBron had one fast-break, but they were so hyped, it didn't result in any points.

I was waiting for that moment.

All of a sudden, there was Wade grabbing the back of his leg.

He limped off the court and asked for a sub.

Not the way Mike Miller wanted to make his AmericanAirlines Arena debut--- I'm sure.

And just like that, it was over.
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I'm not a doctor, but I'm sure Wade will be fine.

The hammy probably needs a little rest.

Heat say they'll evaluate it in a week, Wade says it'll be about two weeks.

That's fine.

Miami still looked incredibly impressive with just LeBron and Bosh.

The number of skills in LeBron's arsenal is phenomenal.

He's a 2-time MVP, I'm not breaking any news.

I'm CONVINCED he'll average a triple-double.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Still, the night just wasn't the same once Wade left.

Oh well.

I'd rather be disappointed in October than June.

I Went To A Football Game... And A South Beach Nightclub Broke Out

2010-10-05T01:34:00.010-04:00

Here's all you need to know about Club Liv (not pictured) at Sun Life Stadium.

One of Dan Marino's former teammates told me that 13 walked him into the hip nightclub.

Marino went to buy four friends a round of drinks.

He was charged 73 dollars.

I'll repeat.

DAN MARINO WAS CHARGED.

Sun Life Stadium is located on DAN MARINO BOULEVARD. (the issue of 4 drinks costing 73 dollars is for another time).
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So as the Dolphins game started to unravel against the Pats, I decided to check out the club for myself.

Two important things you must know about me: I'm neither cool nor single.

So, I'm not exactly the target demographic.

Still, I wanted to see what it's like inside, behind the velvet rope.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
If you are a big partier, I'm sure it's cool.

There are plenty of good-looking people inside dancing to hip-hop.

There are monitors all around, with the game showing.

To sweeten the pot, there are INCREDIBLE club level seats outside connected to the club, where they have scantily-clad girls bring you whatever drinks you want.
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Still, what's surreal about it, it's a FOOTBALL GAME.

Only in Miami.

I went to Yankee stadium, where in order to enhance the so-called "fan experience," they give you more history, better sightlines to the action.

The only sightlines this crowd cared about was to tan lines.

75 Percent of the people or more were not wearing any form of Dolphin gear.

I'm guessing around 30 percent didn't know they were at a football game.

That's strange, but very Miami.

It's definitely meant to be a scene where people can be seen.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Still, while I was there, I was excited to meet a celeb (ESPN's Kenny Mayne who was AWESOME!)

There were other celeb sightings including Dan Uggla (despite his 33 homers and over 100 RBI--- he was introducing himself to people 'Hi I'm Dan.')

Rick Ross and his posse had an area.

Remind me to google who Rick Ross is.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I will say this.

Owner Stephen Ross has captured an element of South Florida that was under-represented at Fins games... People who don't care about football.

Is that how you want to pack your house?

It was bumping in there for an 8:30 Monday Night game against the Pats.

Let's check back when it's 1 pm against Cleveland.

And you wonder why Ross wants to only play 4 o'clock games?

The money-making club doesn't work at 4 pm as well as it does at 730.

Competitive advantage of playing a 1 pm game be damned.
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The real problem for Club Liv is this.

The Fins are 2-2, with 2 division losses at home.

They have a bye week before heading to Green Bay.

And the Heat play their first exhibition tomorrow night.

Good luck keeping fan interest.

Making Peace With Jacory's Interception Problem...

2010-10-03T09:08:00.004-04:00

I'm guessing that I'm in the same place as most Canes fans concerning Jacory Harris (not pictured).

I love him, but at times, he drives me ABSOLUTELY NUTS!

Heading into FSU week, I wish I could say I'm fully confident in the Canes quarterback: I'm not.

And yet, somehow I'm confident in the Canes offense.

Does that make ANY sense?

Absolutely not.

But nothing about this Canes team is logical.
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Take the first half of Saturday's game at Clemson.

At the half, Miami was up 27-13.

Jacory had 4 touchdown passes (matching a career-high), three of them were to future high-draft pick Leonard Hankerson, and yet, I was annoyed.

How is that possible?

Despite the touchdowns, Jacory had ALSO thrown 2 drive-killing interceptions, one that was picked off in the endzone.

While most of us have NEVER read a defense before in game-speed, I think we can all see when the safety is drifting over and a guy is doubled.

Why can't Jacory?
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The 'will he get better' question keeps coming up.

Tick, tock.

Dude's a Junior.

He started 1 game freshman year, 13 as a sophomore, and now 4 as a Junior.

I think the whole 'inexperience' argument is out the door.

Sadly, I think Jacory is what he is going to be.

Can it work?
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The BEST analogy I have to watching Jacory is my experiences on Sundays, watching my beloved Giants.

Eli Manning does the SAME thing that Jacory does.

Rain or shine, big lead or not---- at least once or twice a game---- Eli throws a pass that makes a little piece of me die.

Death, taxes, and a dumb Eli throw.

You only have to hope that 1. it doesn't come at the worst possible time 2. it's not a pick-6.
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I think that's where I'm at with Jacory.

I've moved passed denial, depression, bargaining, I'm at acceptance.

My name is David and I cheer for quarterbacks who throw ill-advised interceptions.

Eli won a Super Bowl and a Super Bowl MVP.

Maybe Jacory can win.

Until then, I'll be the guy curled up on the couch in the fetal position saying "WHAT THE ***K WERE YOU THINKING? WHO WERE YOU THROWING THAT TO? HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF *NOT* LOOKING AT YOUR PRIMARY TARGET?"

Football's bad for my health.

Divide and Conquer...

2010-10-01T01:00:00.006-04:00

I'm not in Fort Walton Beach.

But from all reports that I've read and watched, I love what's going on at Heat training camp (not pictured).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Here's the thing, I think it's pretty hard to mess up the hand that Erik Spoelstra has been dealt.

In terms of training camp, he has a group that is ALREADY bonded.

They are ALREADY friends.

They ALREADY have the "us against the world" mentality.

And most importantly, they're probably the most talented team in the NBA.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gotta Keep Em Separated

There are a few moves that have been made that are worth mentioning.

First of all, let's talk hoops.

I love that Spo is having LeBron and Wade work on separate teams.

There's a multitude of reasons.

First of all, those guys are CRAZY competitive with each other.

I was at the game last year, where Wade and LeBron went OFF in the 2nd quarter. Probably the highest level of basketball I've ever seen in person.

That competitive spirit is good for a team.

Guys on their team, won't want to ruin it.

Then, you get the batting donut effect.

Let them EARN the right to play together.

So when they finally do, it will be SO much easier.

Who's tougher to defend or be defended by than LeBron or Dwyane? (Kobe notwithstanding).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Getting Defensive

The Heat's first few practices, they weren't running offensive plays.

Good plan.

This will be a strong offensive team.

They'll run such complex plays as: Give the ball to Dwyane, or Hand it to LeBron or the ever-confusing, Dump it down to Bosh.

This team can sleep-walk to 115 points on most nights.

The question will be: In the Eastern Conference Finals, can they stop Boston? In the Finals, will they be able to slow down Oklahoma City (thought I was going to say the Lakers didn't you--- I was just making sure you're paying attention).
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USA USA USA

Pat Riley's dedication to the men and woman who serve this country is real.

I've watched it first-hand.

Before every Heat game, everyone in the building rises to salute someone who has served.

As such, putting camp on an Air Force Base isn't a cheap publicity ploy.

Sure, it may buy the team a little time away from the crazy press.

But still, I don't question the sincerity of the move, or the positive outcome of the decision.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Doing the right things, saying the right things, all well and good.

They say you should enjoy the journey.

Enjoy the process.

Sorry, that just doesn't fly with the 2010-2011 Heat.

As excited as I am about what they did in September, it's only worth something if it translates in June.

R.I.P Wildcat Offense-- Sept. 21, 2008-Sept. 26, 2010

2010-09-27T10:06:00.011-04:00

We are gathered here today on a somber occasion.

We are saying goodbye to an old friend, the Wildcat offense (not pictured).

Wildcat, we loved you so.

You brought our town joy.

You tricked the Patriots and made the Dolphins relevant again.

You died tragically, on national tv, against the hated Jets.
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Oh Wildcat, you quirky little formation.

You were such a charmer.

I'll never forget when Ronnie went deep to Patrick Cobbs against Houston.

We thought you'd last forever.

Nothing ever does.

You will be used around the league.

But alas, you were just a gimmick play that helped a mediocre Fins team shock the NFL, win a division, and then get summarily crushed by a Baltimore team that simply didn't fall for that ***T.
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Before Brandon Marshall, you made so much sense.

The Dolphins best two playmakers were Ronnie and Ricky, why not let them handle it as much as possible????

Now, you have a stud wide receiver and a developing, talented quarterback.

The time for tricking people is done.

The defense may feed the wolf (a Sparano-ism for the uninitiated), the offense needs to feed the Beast.
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Dan Henning... Why rely on an offense based on the element of surprise, when it isn't surprising anyone?

Every time the Jets defense couldn't get Chad Henne out of rhytm, the Wildcat did.

The Wildcat will always have a soft-spot in the Dol-fans' heart.

But much like Old Yeller, time to tie it to a tree and shoot it.

It was fun while it lasted.

Why I Can't Wait For Jets-Dolphins...

2010-09-26T01:19:00.006-04:00

As I've said multiple times on this blog, I'm a New York Giants fan.

And yet, I can barely sleep tonight in anticipation of the Dolphins showdown with the Jets (not pictured).

There are so many storylines to this game, that my head may explode.

I'd try to rank them, but what good is that.

Instead, I'll just lay them out and ask you to pick your favorite one.

As Mad Dog Jim Mandich told me on Tuesday, this is the biggest Dolphins game in years.

How can you argue?
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Return Of the Prodigal Son:

Jason Taylor talked a whole lotta ***t about the Jets in his time with Miami.

He was always good for a soundbite about REALLY hating the Jets.

You'd almost believe him.

Until, he decided to sign with them.

I don't expect loyalty in sports. Those values are long gone.

So, you can't blame JT for leaving Miami a second time.

But the Jets? Really? That just smells of desperation. Any fan of the Fins is perfectly within their rights to wish him failure.

I do.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marshall vs. Cromartie

Antonio Cromartie might not be able to name all of his kids, but I'm sure he knows who his daddy is.

That's because the LAST time Cro tried to cover Brandon Marshall, he set the NFL receptions record.

Well, Revis pulled a hamstring watching Randy Moss posterize him last week.

That means, Marshall is going to be one-on-one with a man he LOVES to torment.

How will that play out?
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HYPE VS HOPE

The Jets lead the NFL in hype, bombast, and self-esteem.

They sure love themselves.

Just watch "Hard Knocks."

The Dolphins are quietly and cautiously optimistic about this season's chances.

This trend is epitomized by the two coaches.

Rex Ryan: a WWE parody of a human being.

Tony Sparano: passionate, but doesn't talk about it.

On defense, you have a team that KNOWS how good it is, against a team that THINKS it is worthy.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
QB BATTLE

This question will be asked for the next decade.

Who is better: Mark Sanchez or Chad Henne?

Fins fans are down on Henne.

Clearly, the training wheels are on as the defense dominates.

Sanchez was proclaimed the worst QB in football, until he wasn't.

Was his performance against the Pats the real deal?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Opening Night

On top of ALL that, it's opening night.

The Fins will have all their orange carpet hype and LIV nightclub debuting at the stadium.

Truth is, Dolphins fans hate the Jets and visa-versa.

This is a true rivalry when both of these teams suck.

Now, they're both good.

They're in the division.

A win positions Miami 2 games ahead of New York with a game in hand.

A loss and the Jets and Fins are tied with NY holding the head to head advantage.

I think you get the picture, this is a big game.

Can they kick it off already please?

Trimming The Stache...

2010-09-24T00:51:00.004-04:00

Well that didn't go as planned for Dave Wannstedt (not pictured).

The Canes manhandled Pitt on Thursday night 31-3.

The game could've been a whole lot worse were it not for a few mistakes by Jacory Harris.

Pitt was BEGGING Miami to beat them 52-0, but Miami settled for 31-3.

But, in all, you can't be too dissatisfied with a blowout on the road.
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I'm trying to figure this out.

Is Miami's defense that good or is Pitt's offense that bad?

I honestly think it can be a bit of both.

Still, Canes fans HAVE to be feeling better about their defense today than they did last year or even last week.

Sean Spence was the standout.

He had 11 tackles and looked every bit as promising as he did early in his freshman year.

The question with Spence has never been speed or talent.

The question is: Can he sustain it over the course of a long season?
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Allen Bailey clearly is the focal point of most offenses trying to game-plan around Miami.

We have to double-team the potential first-rounder.

That's fine.

Vernon and company, door is open.

Props to them for walking right through it.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Special teams are one of the true strengths for Miami.

Travis Benjamin SHOULD have had another punt return for a touchdown, but it was called back.

Lamar Miller gets you dreaming big every time he touches it.

Bosher is a stud, and does everything well (remember he was team MVP before---which also speaks to how bad they were at the time).
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So defense and special teams are sound, the team wins by 28, and the quarterback throws for 2 touchdowns---what's my problem?

Jacory's picks.

That's what.

They weren't late and irrelevant.

They kept Pitt in the game early, when they were doing nothing.

It looked like Jacory had pulled the pin out of a grenade and was just throwing it in a direction hoping to hit a target.

You can get away with that against an awful Pitt team.

You learned last week that doesn't fly against Ohio State.

Turnovers like that can be deadly in Death Valley.

While you like that he's trying to make plays, the risks need to be more calculated.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Truth is, the Canes have 9 days off before the real season begins.

Randy Shannon needs a championship.

While the National Title may already be gone, I think a dominant run through the ACC would go a long way.

A bowl game after New Year's day, that extra practice time, and an ACC crown, that would be a step for this program.
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I keep trying to impart this word of wisdom to my friends and anyone who cares about the U.

It's a variation on Rick Patino's 'Larry Bird isn't walking through that door' speech.

The 2010 Canes are NOT the 2001 Canes and they aren't the 1986 team either.

Let's not judge them by that standard.

That's not fair.

Let's allow these kids to be inspired by the ghosts of Canes past, not haunted by their shadows.

Instead of constantly expecting Miami to do the same things they DID, let's evaluate these kids based on their accomplishments and celebrate those.

Tonight, they went on the road and kicked some major ass.

Let's enjoy that.

We Get It, You're From Boston....

2010-09-21T00:57:00.010-04:00

I don't hate Ben Affleck (not pictured--- think TV commercials).

In fact, "Good Will Hunting" is one of my favorite movies and he has cred with movie geeks for his View Askew-Kevin Smith connections ("Chasing Amy" is a personal favorite as well).

So, I went in to see "The Town" REALLY wanting to like this movie.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was okay.

It wasn't bad.

I'm not going to pan it.

I sat there for over 2 hours and was moderately entertained.

I just wanted more.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The conceit is interesting enough.

There's a small area in Boston (called the Town), where a large number of bank heists and armored truck robberies emanate from.

Ben grew up in that town, and wants out.

But every time he thinks he's out, they pull him back in.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Of course, there's a love interest in the movie.

The way that part of the plot is crafted, to Ben's credit, is well done.

There's also good narrative tension created in the "will they get caught" vein that motivates the movie.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So what's missing?

Boston itself serves as one of the characters in the movie.

As director, Ben is trying to glorify where he's from, much in the same way Woody Allen tries to create his own unique vision of New York.

Ben wants the accents, the grit, blah blah blah.

It just feels forced.

There are times where I hear so many long "A" sounds that I wanted to get in my CAH.

I get it.

There are some mean streets in Boston.

It's a tough town.

Oh Ben, you're so working class.

I'll totally forgive you for Gigli.

Honestly, if "The Departed," were never made, I would've liked this movie better.

Are you really going to try to outdo Scorsese?
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's clear that Ben Affleck isn't just another pretty face, and really does love movies.

He's clearly studied them--- ("Gone Baby Gone" was actually really good).

He's just hasn't perfected making them yet.

Can't Believe I Even Have To Write This...

2010-09-20T10:23:00.004-04:00

You know... I thought about just ignoring the issue.

I really did.

But, it bothers me enough that I think I have to mention it.

This blog is to the IDIOTS who were sending Jacory Harris racist messages on Twitter.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi,

Welcome to 2010.

I know you haven't been here in a while. Allow me to bring you up to speed.

Plessy vs Ferguson (1896) has been overturned. There was a little case called Brown vs Board of Education (1954) which says, black students and white students can go to school together.

The Civil Rights Movement happened.

Thousands of people sacrificed their lives for equality in this country.

Jim Crowe no longer exits.

We all drink from the same water fountains and use the same restrooms.

There was a guy named Jackie Roosevelt Robinson. He played for the Dodgers, he did this incredible thing, integrating baseball.

Now, in every sport, people of all races are allowed to play at the same time.

There was this guy named Doug Williams.

He was a quarterback who won the Super Bowl MVP in 1987.

Incidentally, he's black.

Oh, and I hope you're sitting down for this one, our current President, he's biracial.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I know.

I know.

A lot of information to take in for such small brains.

But yes, our society has made incredible advances.

The whole offensive question of the "black quarterback" was a hot topic, somewhere around the 1970s.

Watch this "Monday Night Football" Open from 1973 where Howard Cosell talks about Joe Gilliam filling in for Terry Bradshaw...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dOkgcFj6MJQ

We've all moved past that.

Remember, the clip was from 1973.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't judge Jacory Harris by the color of skin, nor should you.

I judge him by the quality of his play.

Criticizing his interceptions is fair game, his race, that's not.

The only color I care about is the color of the jerseys of the guys he throws it to.

Last week, he threw it to too many guys wearing Ohio State colors.

Hopefully, on Thursday night he gets it to his teammates.

And doesn't let bigots distract his focus.

Brotherly Beatdown...

2010-09-20T00:44:00.006-04:00

The Manning brothers (not pictured) met on Sunday night.

It was the most lopsided brotherly beatdown since Cain and Abel squared off.

After the game, Peyton took the high road.

He turned down an interview request by NBC's Andrea Kramer.

Why would he want to say anything bad about his brother?
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Peyton, are you out of your mind?

What's more fun than teasing a sibling, particuarly after a humiliating loss?

How is it, that I've never been able to live down some losses in Tecmo Bowl from the mid 90's, but you just kicked your brother's ass (in front of the country), and don't want to say a word?

My brother would've RIPPED the mic out of Andrea Kramer's hand and free styled a rap about being the superior Lang.

He would've hired a gospel choir to sing: "I'm Better Than You," "Mom Loved Me More," and "We Haven't Told You Until Now, But, You're Adopted"... and a host of other tunes that he wrote during the week.

The final score would've been spray painted on my house.

I would've done the same.
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See, but I think Peyton's a little smarter than that.

I think *NOT* doing the interview is the ultimate form of teasing.

Thought you'd pull a fast one.

Not only did you prove you are the superior quarterback, but now, you also look like the better person.

You didn't just get straight A's, you also helped little old ladies across the street.

I'm on to you Manning.

Nice try.
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To be perfectly honest, Peyton shouldn't be SO hurt that his team beat his brother's.

This was a regular season game.

They both have Super Bowl rings and MVP trophies.

Little brother will be fine.

I think Peyton made a bigger deal about it by NOT talking at the time.

Winning a regular season game is nice, teasing a sibling lasts a lifetime.

He almost made it seem like it was a bummer.

Please.

Poor Cooper.

The Power Of Q....

2010-09-17T00:18:00.004-04:00

This blog is brought to you by the letter "Q" (not pictured).

It's a rating used to determine the favorability of an athlete, celebrity, or politician.

This week, we learned that LeBron James' so-called "Q" rating had him as the 6th least popular athlete in America.

I will attempt break down what that means to LeBron by looking at a few other events in the news and how "Q" colors perception.
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Today, Udonis Haslem was cleared of a pot charge.

He was pulled over, there was weed in the car, U-D said it wasn't his.

The state attorney agreed.

Throughout his legal process, however, people weren't THAT mad at him.

On one level, it was weed.

While illegal, having a little green in your possession doesn't exactly incite the moral police.

Secondly, Udonis had just lost his mother and I think people felt badly for him.

But most of all, I just think Udonis is beloved in South Florida.

He's a team captain and Mr. 305.

He's been the heart and soul of the Heat franchise for a while, and people simply liked him.

Imagine if Michael Beasley had been pulled over for the same violation?

The power of Q.
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Let's stay with the Gators getting arrested theme.

This week, Urban Meyer had his... what is it... 30th player arrested.

Chris Rainey allegedly sent a text that read "Time To Die" to an ex-girlfriend and has been charged with stalking.

Urban Meyer has two national titles.

So while the thought is naughty-naughty, no actions are being taken.

He wins, therefore he has Q.

If Randy Shannon had 2 players arrested, there would be calls for his firing IMMEDIATELY.

Thug U would be back, and Randy would be unemployed.

Different standard because of Q (just to clarify, Gators fans like Meyer the coach, not the person. By all accounts he's a surly dude).
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Derek Jeter did something shady the other day.

He was up against the Rays in a critical game.

A ball clearly hit his bat.

He acted like it hit his wrist, the Umps awarded him first base.

To me, it was sad because he's so bad these days, that's his only way to get on.

While there have been a few columns calling him "Jeter Cheater"... the outrage has been tempered by his likability.

He has enough stored up Q that while people roll their eyes, they don't REALLY care.

Substitute in Jeter for AROD?

Woody Paige's head would explode right on the "Around The Horn" set.
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I think you get the point I'm making.

While it's fine and even fun to be the bad guy sometimes, it puts you in a dangerous position.

LeBron James' margin for error in the public sphere is nonexistent.

The stakes are higher than he's ever had to deal with.

The sad part about reputations are they take a LONG time to make, and just seconds to lose.

Keep It In Your Pants Jets...

2010-09-15T09:28:00.007-04:00

I'd like to say a few words about Ines Sainz (not pictured--- as if you haven't already googled her) flap involving the New York Jets.

And those words are: Grow up.
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For those of you know are uninitiated, where have you been this week?

Ines Sainz is a reporter for TV Azteca, a Mexican outlet, who wanted to interview Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez (perhaps she was doing a story on how to get lots of media attention, without actually being good at football).

Sainz is a former beauty queen and dresses slutty.

So, you'll never guess what happens next?

Apparently, the boys started hootin' and hollerin' and creating an environment that made the reporter uncomfortable.

It got so bad that Jets owner Woody (yes, I see the joke, no I won't go there) Johnson had to call to apologize.
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Gentleman, this is an NFL locker room, not Shawshank prison.

You've never seen a woman before?

I don't care WHAT that reporter wears, act like a professional.

I've seen Sainz before in person.

She was at Super Bowl media day.

OK, she's attractive.

Who cares?

I still had a job to do.

Somehow I managed to not act like I was at a construction site (is that sterotype even true about construction workers whistling at hot women? Let's just assume so for the purposes of my argument).
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We've all been inside the Jets locker room this year with 'Hard Knocks.'

We know that they're a rowdy bunch and like to have a good time.

That's all fine.

What's not fine is to sexually harrass a woman trying to do her job.

People who are making the 'she shouldn't dress like that' argument (I'm looking at you Clinton Portis), 1972 called, it wanted its gender norms back.

Female journalists have just as much of a right to cover sports.

Even if she's being unprofessional with her attire, what the Jets did is still not OK.

Maybe if they spent more time working on their offense, and less time staring at the reporter, they wouldn't suck as much as they do.

Sid Rosenberg vs. Dukie Lang Round 2

2010-09-14T15:24:00.007-04:00

For those of you who don't know the backstory... here's the original set of circumstances...

http://dukielang.blogspot.com/2010/08/radio-daze.html

This morning Sid Rosenberg was the media guest at the Miami Dolphins Touchdown Club.

After the show, Sid and I met (not pictured).
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I considered not talking to him.

Perhaps there was bad blood.

I didn't know what he initially said, but I got the gist.

He wasn't a fan of what I said on facebook.

But I figured, here's drive-time host in Miami vs. unknown ghost writer, what the hell do I have to lose?
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So I walk up to Sid and say, "Sid Rosenberg, Dukie Lang."

He immediately begins to laugh and blush a bit, like his hands were just caught in the cookie jar.

After a moment, Sid extends a big bro-hug and an apology.

'I'm sorry I talked about you on my show. I felt bad. It was my producer Victor who told me about it.'

My response was, honestly, I don't care.

I think it's great, but, next time you talk about me, could you plug the blog?
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We continued to talk about his show.

Captain Curtis walked over and told me, don't chicken out.

Sid said, 'Nope, he's telling me what he doesn't like about my show.'

I offered my main criticism which is, there's too much bombast. The natural silences are filled with 'me-me-me.'

Sid took the criticism well and with a great deal of humility.

I couldn't help but think of the Howard Stern movie.

On the air, Howard was as in-your-face and offensive as you can get.

But as soon as the red light goes off, he was just a dude.

Sid seems the same way.

He knows his schtick.

I think one of his greatest gifts as a broadcast is utter self-awareness.

He's positioned himself in Miami as a New Yorker, who is a Miami fan, but not really a Miami fan, who is a Giants fan, but says nice things about the Jets.

Basically, he's trying to be an instigator on the air.
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Off-the-air though, I can say first-hand, he's a man of his word.

Sid said he would plug my blog, and low-and-behold, first block of his show, Sid starts by giving out the URL and mentioning our encounter.

I may not always like Sid's schtick on the air, but as a person, he gained my respect.

Question to you blog readers: Did I let him off too easy?

Entourage Goes Out With A Bang...

2010-09-13T14:52:00.006-04:00

I've been a fan of Entourage since it started.

In many ways, it was crafted to be HBO's answer to "Sex and the City" for guys.

It gives you a half hour to hang out with four people who are far cooler than you are or could possibly be.

Initially, I rolled my eyes with the storyline that had Vince getting addicted to Coke (not pictured).
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I was not alone in thinking that the first few episodes of Entourage this season were just awful.

The plot didn't seem to be going anywhere.

OK, I get it, Vince is with a porn star (Sasha Gray), Turtle is working with a Tequila company, Johnny can't find work, and E is whipped.

It felt old and played.

As I once heard, there's nothing worse than bad drug acting.
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But along the way, and frankly, I think by accident, Entourage started picking up steam.

Vince's dissent into madness started becoming more and more interesting.

The show became interesting by violating one of its central rules.

On Entourage, you always cheered for the guys.

They were the underdogs; the outsiders trying to navigate their way around Hollywood, all the while taking time to appreciate every excesses of sex, drugs, and rock n' roll.

But all of a sudden, Vince became an as***le.

I mean really an unlikable, self-destructive, ungrateful prick.

It was an interesting character choice.
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Meanwhile, Ari Gold, the picture of control, was losing his ***t.

At work, with his wife, Ari's sweet talking wasn't working anymore.

He was becoming vulnerable to attack from all forces both internally with work and with his wife's usual Saint-like patience.

Ari's sharp tongue became a problem, not his solution.

For once, he was held accountable for the awful things that he routinely says.
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In the finale, Ari and Vince both fell apart.

Vince's excess, reached a crescendo that included an ass-kicking by Eminem (a fight scene that thankfully came off better than the Zach Morris-AC Slater fight from 'Saved By The Bell')and a potential drug arrest.

Ari's self-obsession and sharp tongue cost him the only thing he professed to care about: his family.
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It's funny, in America we love to build people up and tear them down.

We love watching people reach the American Dream and then absolutely **ck it up.

It's what we do to celebs in real life, and now, it's what we've done to the fearless foursome in Entourage.
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My advice to the show, walk away.

Right now.

Don't redeem Vince in some cheesy way.

You've reached the absolute peak of my interest, now's the perfect time to peace out.

They won't, I'm sure.

The show will come back at some point and it will inevitably jump the shark.

But for now, I want to freeze this moment when the show more closely resembled "Boogey Nights" than an after school special.

Dolphins Impress During Snoozefest...

2010-09-13T01:37:00.003-04:00

It wasn't the most exciting football game I've ever watched back on my Tivo shortly after midnight.

But still.

I was impressed with how physical (not pictured) the Dolphins were in the season opener against Buffalo.
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The perception of the game changed on two plays.

First of all, Chad Henne underthrew Brandon Marshall for what would have been the knockout blow in the 2nd quarter.

Up 10-0, Henne wanted Marshall deep, but the connection failed.

If they hit that pass, they could've REALLY gotten ugly.

The second play was Roscoe Parrish's touchdown.

4th and 11.

There was a blown coverage, touchdown Bills.

Those two plays will make fans think the Fins first win wasn't particularly impressive.

I beg to differ.
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Let me start with the offense.

I think Brandon Marshall has brought a new mentality to the Dolphins receivers and tight end.

I can't remember a game where Fins receivers were looking to HIT somebody.

Perhaps it's because Ted Ginn is allergic to contact.

I saw Marshall, Fasano, Ronnie Brown, and even Davone Bess looking to PUNISH the corners who had the audacity to try to bring them down.

That's a good thing.

My FAVORITE moment of the game was the first play of the second half.

Ronnie went for a short run and got out of bounds.

No biggie, right?

Brandon Marshall absolutely leveled a passing Buffalo defender.

That's a new dynamic to the Fins offense, and to me, it's an exciting play.
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Defense, in my mind, is harder to evaluate.

The reason is simple, the opponent is SO bad.

Trent Edwards is just awful.

CJ Spiller is exciting.

Unfortunately, his awesome preseason will allow him to sneak up on... NOBODY.

He's your prime target.

The Bills line is awful.

You are talking about a team that if it wins 5 games will be happy.
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With that said, there were three aspects of the defense that caught my eye.

First of all, they weren't kidding about Mike Nolan.

He's moving guys this way and that.

First series of the game, he sneaks Karlos Dansby to the outside to blindside the quarterback.

Talk about setting a tone.

Secondly, tackling.

The Fins were wrapping up and making open-field tackles all afternoon long.

You didn't see any of that last year.

And finally, I saw plenty of youth.

I think back to the Joey Porter-Jason Taylor-Gibril Wilson unit from last year, and things are promising.

Cameron Wake was pushing his way towards the quarterback, Jared Odrick had a nice stop... I saw potential.
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As for Chad Henne, he was fine.

Nothing spectacular.

All day, the Fins were pounding it on first and second down.

Ronnie and Ricky looked the same as always.

Chad basically had to pick up 3rd and manage-ables.

That's what he did.

He used Bess well, he gave Marshall some opportunities, and it was great to see Fasano getting involved.

All told, a win on opening day in the division, Fins fans should be happy.
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Speaking of wins in the division on opening day...

I'd like to offer a quick word about the Detroit-Chicago game.

Classic Lions.

I'm sorry, that was a catch by Calvin Johnson.

One foot, two foot, roll...

Yes, the ball popped out.

Whatever that rule is, is stupid.

The Lions are bad enough, you don't need to hose them.

And finally a word for Dallas Cowboy fans, hahahahhahahahahah!

Hakeem Nicks for President, Goodnight!

Maybe Jacory Harris Just Isn't That Good...

2010-09-12T08:06:00.004-04:00

I love Jacory Harris (not pictured).

That is, as a person, as an interview, and as a personality.

The only problem is, all of his wonderful qualities don't translate into touchdowns.

As unpopular an idea as this may be, watching the Ohio State game, I was left with the following thought... Maybe Jacory just isn't that good.
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Jacory's yardage figures last year were impressive.

It was in the top 5 ever in school history.

But, you can't argue with the following, his interceptions cost Miami the North Carolina game and Clemson.

17 picks last year were the reason the Canes didn't take as big of a leap as they could have.
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Fast forward to the horseshoe on Saturday.

You can point to several factors.

You can break the game down however you want.

The bottom line is that Terrell Pryor played very well, and Jacory Harris played badly.

Yes, Travis Benjamin bobbled one of his interceptions.

Doesn't matter.

When you are an elite quarterback, you don't throw 4 picks in a big game (unless you're Vinny Testaverde, you throw 5!)
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It's funny, Canes nation WANTS Jacory to be good.

You can feel it.

And who could blame them?

Jacory looks the part of the next great Canes quarterback.

He talks the part of the next great Canes quarterback.

He's from down here.

He never lost a game in high school.

He says he'll wear a pink suit to the Heisman ceremony (slow down)!

Given all of these factors, we're willing to apologize for and explain away poor performances.

Jacory had a bad thumb....

Jacory is young... Wait until he's a Junior.

The sun was in Jacory's eyes...
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If Jacory were an elite college quarterback, Saturday's atmosphere would've helped him thrive.

Instead, we got more touch passes that nearly got his receivers killed.

Instead, we got more bad reads and attempts to throw into places where he shouldn't have.

Instead, we got a drive-killing interception by a defensive lineman.
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Over the last 7 years, Canes fans have been bitching about a bad call.

Saturday was a chance at redemption.

Didn't happen.

You don't need to overthink this one.

It starts and ends with #12.

If Terry Porter were playing quarterback for the U, he couldn't have done worse.

I'm not ready to declare Jacory a bust by any stretch.

But it's worth considering that perhaps we've let liking him cloud our judgement.

Tuna Is Toast

2010-09-07T15:54:00.005-04:00

It appears Bill Parcells (not pictured) will now be not pictured.

The Dolphins' football czar (a phrase I thought should be reserved for coke dealers and despots), has decided to step aside.

He's leaving his franchise in the hands of Jeff "is your mother a hooker?" Ireland.

He leaves behind a 7-9 team who appears poised to, well, we don't know what the heck the Dolphins are going to do this season.
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Was Parcells a success in Miami?

I don't know.

He inherited a 1-15 team and it got better.

There really wasn't any other way to go.

Still, his first year, the team won a division and had a miraculous turnaround.

Was it his genius that Chad Pennington became a free agent right before the season?

Or was he lucky?
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Parcells was brought in for his drafting genius.

His first move was passing on Matt Ryan for Jake Long.

Jake's a pro bowler, but Matt Ryan's ceiling is pretty freaking high.

I'd give Parcells credit for the wildcat, but it was quarterbacks coach David Lee who is responsible for that (he brought it over from Arkansas).

Parcells brought us Pat White and Patrick Turner and a few other busts who were named Pat.
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While I grew up a Giants fan, truth is, Parcells only two titles are because of Lawrence Taylor.

Parcells constructed his defense around one of the most disruptive forces in the history of the league.

And what do you know? Championships.

Parcells has exactly zero titles without LT.
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Compare Parcells to Pat Riley.

It's no competition.

Pat Riley has brought this town one title, and now the makings of a dynasty.

Riley signed LeBron.

Parcells signed Incognito.

Advantage Pat.
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So I say, thanks for the memories Bill.

Clearly, he didn't love working with star obsessed owner Stephen Ross.

I picked up my handy-dandy Dolphins calendar today.

The front read "South Florida's biggest party."

Parcells didn't want any part of that.

He's strictly a football guy.

Albeit not a very good one.

Why I hate Boise State (and you should too)

2010-09-07T00:10:00.004-04:00

Football is a game of passion and emotion.

Sometimes you watch because you LOVE a team, and other times you watch because you HATE them.

I must admit, I was glued to tonight's Va Tech-Boise State matchup for one simple reason: I hate Boise State (not pictured).
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Allow me to make an early important distinction.

Boise State is obviously really good.

They have one of the top teams in the country.

One of the top 2?

I don't think so.

And yet, you can pretty much pencil them in for the BCS title game.

They won their annual 'one tough regular season game' and can now coast to Arizona.
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Here are Miami's next four games: @Ohio State, @Pittsburgh, @Clemson, vs. FSU.

That is a gauntlet.

The Canes would be incredible if they could escape that run 3-1.

Here are Boise State's next 11 games: @Wyoming, vs 24 Oregon State, @New Mexico State, vs Toledo, @San Jose State, vs. Louisiana Tech, vs Hawaii, @Idaho, vs Fresno State, @Nevada, vs. Utah State.

The only hard game they have ALL year is Virginia Tech.

And it wasn't even in Blacksburg!
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I use Miami as an example because I'm a fan.

But there are plenty of other teams out there that play REAL schedules and yet, have no shot at a title because of Boise State.

I'm not blaming Chris Peterson.

He's obviously a fantastic coach.

The point is, Boise State, more than any team in college football, takes advantage of the lack of a playoff system.

With a 16 team or 8 team or 4 team playoff, they would be exposed.

When you only have to get fired up for ONE game a year, it's pretty easy to be focused on that game.
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The reason we love the NFL so much is that expression 'any given Sunday.'

There's an unpredictability to the pros.

Any matchup can go to the underdog.

It's not really the case in college.

Sure, there are upsets.

But when you have a major power masquerading as a small conference team, they're going to dominate.
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You can label me a hater, I have no objections to that.

I'm not a fan.

They're not upstarts.

They're Seniors sneaking onto the Junior Varsity team.

Congratulations Boise State.

Go beat up the WAC conference for the next months.

I'll be cheering for whoever you play in the title game (assuming it's not Notre Dame, Ohio State, or Terry Porter).

Frankly, I think your whole program is WAC.

Worst Contract Year Ever...

2010-09-06T11:51:00.004-04:00

Trust me, it pains me to say this.

I wish I (not pictured) could pretend it wasn't happening.

I have enjoyed every single game I've watched him play since he came up to the bigs.

But Derek Jeter has been awful this year.
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Obviously, with DJ it isn't a matter of effort.

One of the traits I love most about Jeter is that he goes 100% at all times.

You never see him not hustling.

That said, the results have been atrocious this year.

I can't tell you how many times I've been driving in my car, and listened to John Stirling try to apologize away another double-play hit into by 'el capitain.'
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Let's look at his numbers.

Right now, we're in September, so this is an honest sample size.

He's hitting .266.

That's pathetic.

He's over .300 as a lifetime hitter, has over 2,500 career hits.

On-base percentage: .322.

That's TERRIBLE for a lead-off guy.
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Leads me to 2 questions: 1. What Happened? 2. What do the Yankees do about him in the future?

The answer to number 1 could be, he got old.

He's 36.

Watch him run to first.

He's clearly lost a step.

That's natural.

But you can still be successful in baseball a step slower.

I'm hopeful that he's just having a bad year.

It happens, even to the best.
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The next question is about Derek's future.

His contract runs out at the end of the year.

Could the Yankees possibly ever let him go?

I highly doubt it.

Tell me an athlete who has engendered more goodwill in a town than Jeter in NY?

Doesn't exist.

But, as a Yankees fan you have to wonder, how long should that contract be?

If he looks a step slow now, what's he going to look like in five years?
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Ah, but there's hope.

That's because it's only early September.

The Yankees are 2.5 games ahead of the Rays for first place.

They will be playing in the Playoffs.

A good post-season, and Jeter can wash away the memories of this dreadful season.

Jeter just needs to remind everyone that he's greatest when the stakes are highest.

I just hope he still has it.

For the first time in his career, I'm not so sure.

Canes Game 1: Observations From My Desk

2010-09-03T00:27:00.006-04:00

On Thursday night, the Miami Hurricanes beat up on a team more known for its band (not pictured) than being a football juggernaut.

But still, FAMU provided the first test of the season, and in many regards, the Canes passed with flying colors.

What follows are some observations from my desk.

I hope this helpful to many of you because the game was not pictured to most (espn3 online? come on)
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Jacory:

Hard to be uber-critical of a guy who threw for 3 touchdowns and no picks in just a half of work.

Happy to see that his thumb wasn't covered and he didn't appear to have any discomfort.

But there was one moment that REALLY scared me.

Miami was up 7-nothing and Jacory wanted to throw a quick screen to Aldarius Johnson.

A blitzing defender jumped the route and SHOULD have had an interception, which would have been a pick 6.

Had it been an Ohio State defender, that would have been disastrous.

Can't happen.

Jacory's ability to clean-up mistakes will dictate how far the Canes will go this season.

No Huddle:

I like it. The Canes played with PACE on Thursday night. The question is, can they maintain it against a team that's AS athletically gifted?

That also becomes a question of conditioning.

Sure, your receivers will be fine.

But can your line maintain that tempo?

SIZE MATTERS:

Look at the size of Miami's offensive line.

What a difference a few years makes.

Remember how bare the talent was when Randy took over?

It's a totally different story.

On both sides of the ball, Miami looked physically imposing.

Again, opponent matters.

I was on the field last year when Wisconsin MANHANDLED the Canes.

Wisconsin is a middle-of-the-road Big 10 team.

Against Ohio State, Miami will get a taste of REAL Big 10 lines.

Will they be up to it?

I'm hopeful but concerned.

Thearon Who?

The Canes don't miss Thearon Collier.

I liked him.

Thought he was a dynamic returner and receiver.

But they have PLENTY of wide receivers.

Leonard Hankerson is the CLEAR number 1 on this team.

I'm really glad he decided to come back.

I think this year will make a difference for him and he will make a difference for the Canes.

Lamar Miller looks explosive in the return game.

Miami can throw Travis Benjamin back there.

I'm excited by the possibilities.

GREAT STORY, NOT READY:

My heart broke for Graig Cooper.

He was on his way to the NFL, when embarrassingly bad turf blew out his knee.

That disgraceful field in Orlando could've cost Coop millions.

To his credit, he battled all the way back.

He's back on the field.

He took contact.

Awesome.

But he's not ready for primetime yet.

The Canes have a STABLE of backs who will and should play ahead of him.

Coop needs to relax and get ready for week 6.

JAWS

Cue the music.

Adawale Ojomo is back and that dude is ANGRY.

He should be.

When a suckerpunch from a walk-on makes you eat through a straw, you play angry.

That's good.

He needs to.

I see plenty of talent from Ojomo, Vernon, and the rest of the D-Line.

BUCKEYES?

Will the Canes go into the horseshoe and beat the Buckeyes?

I have no clue.

It's going to be tough.

I was encouraged by 45-0.

It was a nice start.

Miami was a team with every reason to look ahead, and didn't.

They were focused, intense, efficient.

In a sense, this is truly a Miami team because there's speed everywhere.

I'm just concerned about the physical nature of how Ohio State is going to play.

To win, Jacory needs to play a clean game and NOT make a single, game-changing mistake.

For now, 1-0.

Gaby Sanchez And The Clothesline Of Justice...

2010-09-02T01:30:00.007-04:00

Nyjer Morgan (not pictured) got everything that he deserved on Wednesday night.

The Washington Nationals speedster instigated and instigated until the Marlins couldn't take it anymore.

And for that I thank him.

To think, on the eve of the Canes first game, I was inspired to write a blog about the Marlins and Washington Nationals.

It was game that, much like MCI's old calling plan, was played in front of friends and family.
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Allow me to quickly lay out the case against Morgan.

His first offense was throwing a baseball into the stands.

He was suspended 7 games by MLB.

Ah, but baseball has an appeals process.

Morgan was allowed to continue to play.

You'd figure being on parole of sorts, he'd be on his best behavior.

Think again.
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So let's break down Morgan's week.

On Saturday in St. Louis, Morgan had a clear path to home plate.

Rather than score, he intentionally took a cheap shot at the catcher, hitting him hard.

Jim Riggleman, in a move that I can only describe as weak, decides to sit out Morgan for the next game.

He was protecting his guy from retaliation.

So you can dish out cheap shots, but not get hit by a pitch?

We flash forward to Tuesday night.

In a godawful game, the Marlins and Nats are scoreless in the 10th.

Morgan makes a break for home with what could be the winning run.

In lieu of sliding in, he TRUCKS Marlins catcher Brett Hayes.

Hayes holds onto the baseball.

The Marlins go on to win, Hayes is done for the year with a shoulder injury.

Rather than making a winning play, Morgan continues his assault on catchers.
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Wednesday night, Riggleman FINALLY decides to let Morgan face the music.

4th Inning, Chris Volstad of the Marlins gently plunks Morgan.

A clear intent pitch, but not hard, not around the face.

It was a pitch that said, we don't like what you did.

Fine.

Should be case closed.

But in a blowout game, Morgan decides to steal 2nd and 3rd.

I can't explain EVERY nuiance of the 'unwritten rules of baseball,' but that's considered a no-no.

It was Morgan's way of SPITTING in the face of the Marlins.
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And so, next at-bat, Volstad throws behind him.

Message sent again, knock it off.

Then, Morgan pretends like he's not going to do anything, and RUNS OUT right at Volstad.

The Palm Beach High Grad doesn't run away, he throws down his glove and is ready to go.

Morgan throws a punch, but Volstad, tall and goofy, is able to dodge the punch as if channelling the Matrix.

And then a hero came along.

Marlins first baseman Gaby Sanchez RAN in from first base and threw a WWF style Clothesline.

It was his most important hit of the season.

He showed that he's the kind of guy you WANT on your team.

He protected his pitcher.

After that, typical baseball fight, plenty of talking and piles.

But it was mean-spirited and passionate, in other words, super-entertaining.
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The bottom line is, this fight had ONE instigator and one instigator only.

Nyjer Morgan is going through something right now.

I'm not quite sure what it is, but he needs to be done for the year.

He's not 'playing hard' or the 'right way,' he's out of control and is injuring people.

As bad as I feel for Hayes about his shoulder injury, I'm emboldened by the actions of Gaby Sanchez.

When the stuff hit the fan, he showed himself to be a true teammate.

Nyjer Morgan, I hope before you hit the ground, you were taking notes.

Stand Up And Make Some Noise For Your Miami Tweeeeeeeeeeet

2010-09-01T00:58:00.011-04:00

Scanning the twitter-verse, I came across this video posted by LeBron James.

(Click on the Title of the blog and the video will be pictured. You can do it now or after you read the blog, it's your call, I'm not going anywhere)

It's LeBron going to an open house for his son's school.

Bronny is getting ready to start Kindergarten, and LeBron checks the place out.
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There are several elements that I find fascinating about this 2:57 video.

First of all, think about how much the boundary has been stripped between athlete and fan.

In the past, we never really KNEW our sports heroes.

We didn't want to.

Information was carefully selected by sports-writers, who used to be drinking buddies with the athletes.

But somewhere along the way, the sports journalist went from trying to glorify these stars, to trying to destroy them.

Perhaps it was jealousy as the zeroes grew after the athletes' checks.

Perhaps it was just the evolving nature of "gottcha" journalism.

The end result was superstars like Michael Jordan and Derek Jeter who talk, but never actually say anything.
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In a sense, twitter has cut out the middle man.

In the past, if you were going to get a story about LeBron James as father, you'd have to rely on a writer capturing that.

The problem is, that opens the writer up to interpret the athlete's life and inject their own views.

That's what happened with the GQ cover-story about LeBron.

The article featured brief interactions with LeBron's kids, but they were told from the writer's point of view.
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That's what made this posting so interesting to me.

It was a Blair-Witch style video, and there was no filter.

It was just LeBron-as-Dad.

Of course, you could say, perhaps he's mugging for the camera a bit, manipulating his image.

Maybe.

But to me, it sure just seemed like a proud dad checking out his son's school.
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The final aspect that I liked about the clip, is that it's literally shot from LeBron's point-of-view.

So not only does the viewer get to see the world through his eyes, we also get to see HOW people react to him.

You can see parents and kids turning around with that "WHOA that's LeBron James" look on their faces.

It's a look that's real and a bit raw.
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The good news for Heat fans is that the Big three: LeBron, Wade, and Bosh are all savvy with social media.

Throughout their time here, we'll be privy to parts of their lives that they wouldn't be able to share otherwise.

As much as I'll enjoy following the basketball team, I'll also enjoy following the Miami Tweet.

Cute Pick...

2010-08-30T14:06:00.004-04:00

This week, I have not one, but two fantasy football drafts (not pictured).

It's an annual rite of passage for any football fan.

For me, the draft is the best part of the fantasy season, it's all downhill after that.
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In terms of male bonding (or for really cool females who play fantasy sports--- such a pig I am!), there's nothing quite like a fantasy draft.

During the draft, everyone thinks they're an expert.

We've all read the same fantasy magazines, all watched the same games, and yet, we think this will help us differentiate the people who know what they're talking about, from the idiots.

It's a forum for trash talking, condescension, and overall strange grunting sounds.

Although, there's no greater insult than when one of your friends utters "cute pick," meaning you're an idiot, why on God's green earth would you draft that guy?

It is scorn masked as a backhanded compliment.
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I don't think fantasy football is dorky as some have stereotyped.

Rather, I think of it as democratic.

It gives everyone a chance to enjoy football on their own terms.

If your team sucks, no worries, perhaps your fantasy team can help you salvage Sunday.

It's not selling out your team because in the free agency era, these guys are playing musical teams anyway.
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But I do have one beef with fantasy I want to address.

It's a very simple concept.

In my mind, it's 95 percent luck.

Pure luck.

Yes, there's a tiny percentage of drafting where, if you're a total idiot, you can screw up your team.

But assuming a baseline of competency, fantasy football isn't really a skilled past-time.

You are pretending to pick real people for your fake team.

If my first-round pick blows out his knee, does that mean I know less about football?

Of course not.

Pure luck.

That one week Miles Austin went ABSOLUTELY nuts last year, and turned into an elite receiver, does it make me a genius for having selected him?

No.

I just happen to have picked him up.
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So grab a beer, grab a fantasy mag, and insult your closest friends.

Football season is drawing nigh, and don't forget to set your lineups!

East Coast-West Coast Comedy Wars...

2010-08-26T01:54:00.011-04:00

Los Angeles and New York have such different sensibilities.

I've lived in neither, but spent time in both.

I think the feel is epitomized by my two favorite comedies on television right now "Curb Your Enthusiasm" and "Louie."

The comic feel is provided by Larry David (not pictured on the left) and Louis C.K. (not pictured on the right).
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For those of you who don't know who Louis C.K. is, do me a favor, punch yourself in the face.

I'll wait.

You're missing out on one of the brilliant comic minds of our generation.

He's 42. He's divorced. He's unhappy.

But damn if he isn't honest.

He's a fatalist, but in the most amusing of ways.

His show captures all of his best qualities.
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Larry David is pure neurosis.

You all know LD because he's the comic genius behind "Seinfeld."

Larry needed Jerry to make that show work, because he needed a friendly front-man.

Jerry's observations could pass as cute and witty.

Larry's are darker and far more fatalistic.

Jerry's likability allowed Larry to get away with more.
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So let's break down why I think the shows represent their given cities.

"Louie" couldn't be more New York.

The opening shot is Louis walking up subway stairs.

He stops to grab a slice (that you know must be delicious).

Then he walks into a comedy club.

The intro is showing you, Louis is going to let you into his world on stage and beyond (all the while Reggie Watts theme song is playing--- good luck getting it out of your head).
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The structure of the show is rough, raw, and at times unorganized.

One minute he's doing his act, the next it's a comic vignette, the next it's a really depressing scene.

It creates the same kind of chaos you might have walking around for a day in New York.

One minute I was at a broadway show, the next minute I was in a cab with a crazyman, then I saw a homeless man sing Opera before urinating on a pigeon.

Louis throws that at you at all times.
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Larry David's show is L.A.

The presentation is slick.

The pace is leisurely.

The music is a slow-paced, relaxing beat that he nods his head to as he walks down the street.

Larry David is a MASTER of narrative.

Even though LD's show is unscripted (he uses intense outlining and improving), the structure of his show is like the end of an hour-long Jenga game.

Every piece is placed for a VERY specific reason.
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Larry and Louis are both aimless in their lives, but for different reasons, and you guessed it, the reasons reflect New York and LA.

Larry focuses on the small stuff, because he's got nothing but time.

He's loaded, and has nothing better to do but focus on minutia.

Louis is aimless because he's defeated.

Life has beaten him down.

He doesn't quit.

He still tries to talk to women, get into shape, and lead a better life.

But he's old enough to know, it ain't happening.

That honesty makes him even more lovable.

If you can make it there, well he hasn't.
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Larry David gets many of his laughs from the "fish-out-water" style.

He's the neurotic Jew often having to interact amongst wasps.

That contrast works for him (and many relocated New Yorkers in LA).

Louis is surrounded by the constant freak-show of New York.

The people he encounters along the way are just so strange, by not being an absolute nut-job, he achieves the same status.
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Truth is, Curb is a far more polished show.

Consistently, it's a funnier show.

But there's a real, raw quality to Louie, that Curb just can't match.

Part of me hopes that as Louie grows, the narratives will tidy up a bit, the flow of the show will improve.

And then part of me doesn't.

The show's a little bipolar because, well, Louis is.

If you don't like it, tough.

Such a New Yorker.

Radio Daze...

2010-08-23T19:28:00.004-04:00

So apparently I was talked about on the radio.

I'm a little confused/entertained by the whole situation.

I somehow managed to ruffle the feathers of drive-time host Sid Rosenberg (not pictured).
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Here's what happened.

On August 9th I wrote the following on my facebook page (I love that facebook timestamps): "my biggest beef with sportstalk radio is the following: self-important hosts evaluate athletes as human beings based on whether they appear on their shows or not... If they have no access they happily rip the athletes, if they appear on the show, they are "great guys" and "my good friend"... it's pathetic jock-sniffing... and worst of all, a boring listen."

I was referring to no one in specific.

I didn't mention anyone by name.

It was a general commentary about the culture of playing grab-ass with athletes, and the me-me-me-ism that pervades not just the athletes themselves, but that has seeped to the purveyors of information about said athletes.
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Furthermore, I am not facebook friends with Sid Rosenberg.

I don't have anything against him.

In fact, I met him once at the "Touchdown Club" and he was a very nice guy.

I didn't comment on his show and I wish him well.
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Given that I didn't mention him by name and we're not facebook friends, I was surprised that I happened upon this little jewel on the interwebs from Sid's blog on wqam.com (I don't mind giving a plug) the day after my post:

"Sid starts the show and the entire first segment talking about the shots that were taken at him on facebook by Dukie Lang. Sid keeps reiterating that he is always going to talk about himself because it is the Sid Rosenberg Show. Sid admits that he is very immature and doesn’t handle criticism very well."
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I'm impressed that 1. he found my comments (though we have 35 mutual friends)

2. That my comments were worthy of "the entire first segment."

With all due respect to myself, who the hell am I?

I'm basically, David on a mobile.

The only difference is, on the web, you can't hang up on me.

What did Andy Warhol say about publicity?

There's A Little Crying In Baseball...

2010-08-23T13:10:00.005-04:00

Locker room interviews aren't as much fun as you'd think.

I've been in my share of locker rooms and clubhouses in my day.

Usually it's a large dude, fresh out of a shower, muttering meaningless cliches as he puts in earrings that are worth more than 3 years of my salary.

Every now and again, you get real emotion, such as we heard from Cody Ross and Dan Uggla (not pictured).
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I wasn't in the Marlins clubhouse after the Astros game on Sunday.

The only reason I even bothered sending a photographer was the Dolphins were off and there wasn't anything else going on.

So, I figured, what the heck?

Turns out, the Marlins let Cody go to San Francisco for nothing, and Uggla was not a happy camper.

Neither was Cody for that matter.
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I'm a little torn how about this show of emotion.

On the one hand, I'm touched.

These guys have played together for 5 years.

They're best friends.

I mean, we're talking intense bromance.

There's a brotherhood and bond that few of us can understand.

On the other hand, you play for the Marlins.

You have to know that anyone and everyone is ultimately expendible at any time.

To misquote the Godfather, "this is the life you have chosen."
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I would feign outrage about the Marlins letting Cody go, but I think it's for the best.

Cody will play for a contender.

As for Uggla, I'd say, clean away your tear-soaked, eye-black.

Everything is going to be okay Mr. Popeye arms.

You work in a business where people move around a bit.

Heck, I work in television and I've had friends leave me to move all across the country: Tampa, New Orleans, Boston and on and on.

That's just how it goes.

Cell Yourself Short...

2010-08-20T01:45:00.004-04:00

Long time, no speak.

With the sports world in the pre-NFL season lull, I thought I'd take a moment to talk about my cell phone (not pictured).
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So I'm getting ready to leave my cruise ship, and I walk away to the bathroom for a moment.

When I return, my girlfriend is chatting up a couple from Arkansas.

They were on a cruise to celebrate their 10-year anniversary.

The husband said wistfully, "You know? I really wish I had brought my kids on this cruise. We wanted to get away, but now I miss them. And now, seeing other kids running around and having fun, I think they would've really enjoyed it."

I thought, what a good guy.

I want to relate.

So I replied, "Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I haven't had my cell phone in three days. I decided not to bring it because we'd get no reception. But when I saw other people enjoying roaming, I thought, darn... shoulda brought it."

My girlfriend politely laughed at my Larry David-like obnoxiousness.

The sad part is, I kind of meant it.
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Here's why I resent technology much of the time: It creates dependency.

You learn to NEED something, that you really don't.

Fifteen years ago, no one had a cell phone.

Now, you feel naked if you don't have one for about 5 minutes.

It's unimaginable not to be reachable at all times, in fact, it's unprofessional.

You have to hand it to the cell phone companies.

They have us all hook, line, and sinker.
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Given this slight neo-luddite leaning (ironic for a person who works in broadcasting), it should be no surprise that I riled against iphones and the like.

I thought, if I wanted my laptop, I'd get my laptop.

Why do I need a phone to do SO many functions?

People drown in a sea of apps, and yet, their calls are dropping off left and right.

Isn't the point of a telephone to, you know, talk to people?
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That belief held until the minute I had the chance to upgrade my latest piece of junk.

Verizon allowed me to get their answer to the iphone.

It has apps.

It can talk.

You can teach it to do the bad-luck and the Roger Rabbit if you really wanted to.

It's touch-screen.

The thing is sick.
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But of course, by creating such a great phone, my standards have gone up again.

I now believe there are certain functions a phone should just perform.

Once again, the man has me addicted to something that I really don't need.

And so, I think back to my cruise.

I remember what it was like to be out of touch with the outside world, unreachable to anyone.

Without apps, facebook, twitter, yelp, aol, blogs, espn, and on and on and on.

In a word, it was wonderful.

So when the answer to the question "can you hear me now?" is affirmative, that's not always good.

Out Of Office Reply...

2010-08-12T10:52:00.001-04:00

My girlfriend and I are going on a cruise (not pictured).

I'll be back early next week.

In the meantime, please take a few minutes to go through the archives and check out some of my earlier posts.

Things are going to get crazy around here during football season and once the Heat start.

Can't wait!

Happy reading and always, thanks for your continued support!

J-e-t-s Will SUCK SUCK SUCK

2010-08-12T10:01:00.004-04:00

Count me as someone who thinks the 2010 Jets (not pictured) will not even come close to expectations.

This isn't an angry missive by a Dol-fan (while I like the Dolphins, the Giants are my first love).

I say this objectively.
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Normally, I wouldn't spend too much time thinking about the Jets, except they're the featured subject of this year's "Hard Knocks."

I've seen EVERY episode of the HBO mini-series that takes a close look at one team's training camp.

I watched the Cowboys, I watched the Bengals, and now, I'm watching the Jets.

As always with HBO, it's stellar work.

You are given unlimited access.

The tedium of training camp is translated into compelling drama.

All of a sudden the battle for 3rd string Bengals fullback becomes life or death.
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For some reason, I found the Jets utterly unlikable.

Rex Ryan is even more of a putz than I thought he was.

Now with Rex, you have to keep in mind the principal from physics "the observer effect."

The act of being observed, changes the phenomenon.

Rex is probably playing up to the cameras all the cursing (I mean every 3rd word out of his mouth is **ck).

He's trying to be the 'cool coach,' trying to show what a 'player's coach" he is.

I'll give him this, Rex has some bad-ass defenses in his day.

I just don't like him.
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But one point that the show makes abundantly clear, the Jets REALLY, REALLY need Darrelle Revis.

The lockdown corner is a Godot-figure in the first episode of "Hard Knocks."

He's not there, but he's all anyone can talk about.

Within the division, the Dolphins (who beat the Jets twice with Ted Ginn) have added Brandon Marshall, and Brady is another year removed from his injury.

In other words, you damn well better secure your secondary.

Cromartie is a really good player, but he's not Revis.

To quote the Russian character in Rounders "Gyive the myan hyis myoney.!"
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And now to the real reason I think the Jets will finish 3rd in the division.

I think they have the 3rd best quarterback.

Mark Sanchez hasn't shown me anything to indicate that he's on Brady's level, and in a close race, I'd rather have Henne.

The Jets lost Thomas Jones and brought LT who is questionable at best.

Santonio Holmes is a Super Bowl MVP, but a character problem.

Braylon Edwards is a fantastic wide receiver, except for the bulk of the time when he has the dropsies.

Jason Taylor will be thrown into the mix and I actually think he'll have a decent year (6, 7 sacks).
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After watching "Hard Knocks," I think the Jets are convinced that this is their year.

I'm convinced that they're frauds and will return to earth this year.

There's going to be an odd-man-out between the Pats, Fins, and Jets.

I'm guessing it'll be wearing Green.

Jet Blue... He Needed The Money

2010-08-10T10:03:00.005-04:00

Steven Slater (not pictured) is not a hero, he's an ass**le.

The Jet Blue flight attendant had reached his wits end.

He went off on a passenger over the intercom, grabbed a beer (a funny touch), and slid away to glory.

To me, that's epitome of someone acting unprofessional.
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What's crazy is that people are celebrating him.

Someone on facebook told me "it's 'Take this job and shove it' taken to the next level."

As if, the ability to just go off on people is the ultimate form of wish fulfillment.
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Look, I love "Office Space" as much as the next movie geek.

Peter Gibbons represents what it's like to work for a monster boss in a thankless position.

HE is the ultimate work anti-hero.

He stops going to work, get promoted for it, and then steals from the company.
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There are two key differences between Gibbons and this now-famous flight attendant.

The first, is that Peter worked at a tech company.

He didn't see clients face-to-face.

Steve Slater signed up for this.

The job of flight attendant entails, serving Blue Chips, making sure the safety exits are all clear, and not acting like a douchebag.

If he couldn't meet these requirements, he should've found something else to do.

Oh the other big difference, Peter Gibbons isn't real.

In real life, you're not supposed to flip out at your boss or the customers, especially in this economy.
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That's the real reason I think he's being celebrated.

In the bad economy, many people are stuck working jobs they don't want or just feeling grateful to HAVE a job.

And so, this guy getting to vent makes him a hero.

I think the opposite.

In this economy, you are lucky to have a job, even if its peddling Blue Chips.

The worst part of this, he's going to make a fortune off his bad behavior.

Get ready for his reality show.

I won't be watching (unless my girlfriend dvr's it).

Back In The Booth...

2010-08-09T22:47:00.005-04:00

The Miami Dolphins quietly made their best off-season move today.

"Mad Dog" Jim Mandich (not pictured) will be back in the broadcast booth to call games in 2010.

Put simply, he represents everything that is right with the franchise, with football, with radio, and with South Florida.
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There's been a tremendous void on the air since Mad Dog became ill earlier in the year and decided to end his daily show.

Obviously, as someone who worked on his show for 8 years or so, I had a personal interest in Mad Dog's show.

But that's not what his return to the air is about.
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I've missed him most as a listener.

He offers a sense of perspective and fun that is unmatched by anyone in the market.

He's been in our town for over 40 years and his keen insight is lost in a wave of juvenile pretenders.
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Nobody knows the Miami Dolphins like Mad Dog.

He's been there through every up and down.

He was on the field during the perfect season.

He was in the booth for the Marino-era.

His contacts have contacts.

And most importantly, he truly loves everything that the Miami Dolphins were and can be.
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Mad Dog is best known for his phrase "ALRIGHT MIAMI."

It's something that he screams in moments of pure joy.

But, when you have someone who knows so much about the team, when he yells that, you know, it's truly "ALRIIIIGHT."
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Football is a game that's about passion and dedication.

He doesn't make a show about it, but nobody is more prepared for a game than Mad Dog.

Even though on the surface, he's a homer, he's really not.

He can be critical.

He can say that the offense stinks right now, or the defense needs blitz more, because he really knows.

When he does criticize the team, you know that it's coming from a place of love and that all he wants is for the team to ultimately succeed.
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On top of all that, the man is battling cancer.

But, as he always says, no whining, no complaining.

During my 8 years of writing for him, no matter what was happening in my life, I would always send him a show.

Never missed a day.

He once told me, "You line up and play."

That's the bottom line.

I've taken that lesson to heart and he continues to embody it.

When the season starts, Mad Dog is lining up and playing.

We're all better for it.

I'll be listening.

Pryor Notice...

2010-08-09T14:38:00.003-04:00

I just attended the University of Miami's annual preseason lunch.

It's a chance to meet with Athletic Director Kirby Hocutt and fellow members of the media (and get a free lunch).

As I ate my burger, all I could think about was Terrelle Pryor (not pictured).
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One month and two days.

That's how long we have to wait for Miami at Ohio State.

Normally, you would say, one game on the schedule, whatever.

And yes, Miami can have a great season without beating the Buckeyes.

Many fans are judging this season based on winning an ACC title or at least getting to the Conference Championship game.

That's all well and good.

I'm focused on Ohio State and Terrelle Pryor.
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Life isn't fair.

Sports can be.

That's one of the reasons I think so many of us gravitate towards watching other people exercise.

There are rules.

There's right and wrong.

What happened to Miami in the 2002 National Championship game was just wrong.

In my history of watching sports (ie my lifetime), it may be the most unfair moment I've ever seen.

You can't take away a national title with a late call that's specious at best and HORRIFIC in all actuality.

But that's what Terry Porter did.

I have friends who are Canes fans who have said things about Terry Porter that would make Louis CK blush.

And I can't say I disagree.

It's not an accident that his initials are TP.
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Which leads me back to the other TP.

If you only watched the Rose Bowl last year, you'd think the Canes are in for a long, long afternoon at the horseshoe.

There is the small matter of the rest of Terrelle's career, that has me feeling hopeful.
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For me, I'm really sick of hearing how great these Canes players are going to be.

Between Sean Spence, Marcus Forston, Aldarius Johnson, and Jacory--- I'm sick of hearing about the promise of the Canes.

And those are only some of the kids from Northwestern High School.

This is the season where they DELIVER.

This is the season where the preseason ranking at 13 is low.

This is the season where that "Jacory for Heisman" facebook thread, isn't just a good natured joke by Canes lovers.

This has to be.

The NCAA is investigating Miami for a text message scandal.

I took that as a good sign.

They don't investigate the Canes, unless they're good.
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But all of that starts with messing Terrelle Pryor up.

They have to brutalize him.

I remember a few years ago, the Canes acquitted themselves pretty well against Tim Tebow at the Swamp (before, ironically enough, the game turned on a horse**it call).

But those Canes weren't ready for the stage, and Tebow was at a level well above Miami.

I hope the shoes is on the other foot this time.

I think Pryor isn't ready for what he's going to face.
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TP isn't the first big-name quarterback the Canes have faced.

During the height of the program, the U LONGED to face these much ballyhooed QB's.

The more the hype, the better to obliterate.

It's time to get back to that.

This isn't just about 2010 Canes.

This is about the 2002 Canes.

This is about what's right and just in this universe.

This is about truth, justice, and the American way.

God help me if the game is decided by a bad call!

Te-Bald

2010-08-08T00:13:00.003-04:00

Rookie Hazing in the NFL is no joke.

Just ask Tim Tebow (not pictured.)

Tebow...

(Wait, that's him? He is pictured? You gotta be ***Ting me, are you serious?)

Wow!
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Usually, I use my blogs to amplify some point that's bothering me or make some observation about life or people.

That's not really the point of this one.

Let's just all sit back and laugh at the funny picture.

I mean come on, Sweeney Todd was kinder to his haircut clients.

Happy football season everyone!

Foul Ball? Foul Call!

2010-08-06T11:08:00.005-04:00

A baseball season is long, I mean really long.

So rarely do I get up-in-arms about game.

But, what happened to the Marlins last night was just awful.

They lost because of a game-winning hit that was called a foul ball (not pictured).
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Let me paint the picture.

After the predicatable bullpen meltdown in the 9th, the Marlins had a chance to win the game in walk-off fashion.

Former Cane Gaby Sanchez laced a ball right past the third base bag, and CLEARLY inside the line.

The players were getting ready to rush onto the field.

The winning run was on its way in from second.

Chris Coghlan was ready with a pie (too soon?)

However, faster than you can say England-Germany in the World Cup, Bob Davidson inexplicably called the ball foul.
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Edwin Rodriguez ran out to protest.

I was shocked he didn't get ejected.

He should've ripped up the bases.

He should've kicked dirt.
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Predictably, after the call, the Marlins bullpen blew the game in the 10th.

Look, the Marlins are not a playoff team this year.

Their bullpen is awful.

Their lineup has holes.

They're going to lose their fair share of ballgames.

It's just a shame when they lose games, that they actually won!

At the risk of being obvious, replay anyone?

Finding His Religion...

2010-08-05T00:23:00.002-04:00

I think as much as anyone else, I was suprised to hear the reports about Amar'e Stoudemire (not pictured).

The Knicks new 100-million dollar man suddenly started tweeting in Hebrew.

He then decided to make a pilgramage to Israel to explore his Jewish roots.
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My natural impulse was to be dismissive.

I'm not proud to say it.

I'm just somewhat cynical by nature.

A basketball player moves to the market with the largest Jewish population in the United States, and all of a sudden throws on a Yarmulke?

I thought perhaps he was sucking up to his fan-base a bit.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And then I watched the following interview with Israeli television:

Watch it.
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It's striking.

His sincerity is overwhelming.

Here's a young man with everything you can ask for.

He's got money.

He's got the big contract.

He's playing on the biggest stage (albeit an average team).

And yet, he's going all Siddhartha.

He's running out and having his existential quest to connect with his heritage.

Contrast that with other free agents.

It's refreshing and interesting.

I won't be cheering for the Knicks next season, but I do think Amar'e is pretty freaking cool.

We Are The Show...

2010-08-04T11:41:00.003-04:00

A portion of the Heat's schedule is out.

Miami opens the season Oct. 26th at the Boston Celtics (not pictured).

The other games we know about are Orlando for the home opener and of course, the Lakers on Christmas in LA.
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Here's the thing about the Heat schedule.

It doesn't really matter who they play.

All 82 games, the Heat are the show.

I remember in the early stages of the franchise, when you'd look forward to Michael Jordan or Karl Malone coming to town.

The Heat were bad and you waited for the opposition to make the game interesting.

If there wasn't a worthy opponent, there would be plenty of empty seats at the old Miami Arena.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
My how that has changed!

41 road games this year, 41 sellouts.

Print it.

The Heat are the biggest story in the NBA and likely all of sports starting on Oct. 26.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So bring on whoever you want, in whatever order you want.

Wade, LeBron, and Bosh will be ready.

Crawling To History

2010-08-02T22:46:00.005-04:00

It's hard to defend AROD (not pictured) sometimes.

It really is.

His pursuit of 600 home runs can be called nothing short of embarrassing.

Today, my father, who has been watching the Yankees for over 50 years, told me AROD is his least favorite Yankee ever.

That's pretty harsh.
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From a pure talent standpoint, AROD is one of the greatest of all-time.

That's hard to argue.

Yes, his numbers were inflated by his steroid use.

But he did play during the height of the steroid era.

But I'm not making any sweeping moral judgements on Alex based on history right now.
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Instead, I want to talk about his last 40 or so at bats.

Ever since home run 599, AROD has been an absolute mess at the plate.

The man with power to all fields, now has power to none.

If any pitch is mildly in a sweet spot, he's almost toppling-over with self-congratulatory swings.

He's the definition of someone who is pressing.
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It's annoying on so many levels.

Every time he comes to the plate, we have to wait while specially-marked baseballs are brought in so the historic event can be properly documented.

I wonder: Do the balls say "Choker," "wussy," or "egomaniac?"

Or are they really insulting?
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Honestly, I think Derek Jeter needs to punch him in the face.

Alex's chase of a personal goal has put the Yankees' season on pause.

While this guy is putzing at the plate, the Yankees are sputtering.

And worst of all, Tampa is hot as can be.

The Yankees and Rays are now tied for first.
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But Alex doesn't care.

Every time he walks up to the plate, the flashbulbs are going, which is really all that he wants.

All that Alex is thinking about is his 600th.

All that Yankees fans want is a cleanup hitter who picks up his skirt and drives a ball into the gap once in a blue moon.

One day I'll tell my grandkids about AROD's race to history.

I just hope they aren't born by the time he finally ****ing does it!

A Midsummer Night's Dream Within A Dream Within A Dream

2010-08-02T18:50:00.004-04:00

This afternoon I saw "Inception" (not pictured).

Going into the movie, there were plenty of expectations.

I knew from Facebook that this was going to be a 'thinkpiece.'

Everyone who had seen it suggested that this film was so complicated.

Then, the day before I saw it, I received the following text from my brother "Saw Inception. It was great you would hate it."

It was followed up with the following text "You would compare it to the matrix because it has imagination and ideas."
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Allow me to clarify his point.

I make no misgivings about this.

I don't love "imagination" in films.

I'm in no way a science fiction fan.

I go to the movies for good writing, strong acting, and verisimilitude.

That's right, give me some explosions, nachos, and versimilitude... and I'm happier than a pig in ***t.

I want movies to explain the world around me or introduce me to people I wouldn't ordinarily meet.

I don't need to be transported to some magical world with fake named creatures and a hero's quest (I'm looking at you 'Lord of the Rings' series).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
But Inception wasn't some novel idea.

It was simply a manifestation of Freud's "The Interpretation Of Dreams" featuring the chick from "Juno."

I thought the film executed the premise well and did it in an entertaining way.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
First of all, you can't talk about dreams without talking about the father of psychiatry.

The film talked about "three levels of sleep."

Paging the ego, superego, and id.

You can only manipulate people's ideas by reaching that ultimate, deepest level.

In other words, you need to implant the instinct into their id.

So far, I'm not lost.

The id is also where your inner most, deepest instincts lie.

Now to Freud that often involved fornication and family, but the movie mercifully doesn't touch that (Freud did a lot of drugs).

In this case, the inner most workings of the id were represented by safes and locks.

And whenever you had a safe, someone would reveal their inner-most desires and-or secrets.

A simple enough conceit.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The movie also incorporated much of the literature that I've read about manipulation.

Being a public policy major at an elitist school, we focused on that a lot.

The basic premise is, in order to truly get someone to do something you want them to do, they must be convinced that it is their idea.

The movie played that out.

And then just for the true geeks out there, the movie threw in a fight scene on the slopes that was reminiscent of the Hoth snow battle in "Empire Strikes Back."
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I really enjoyed "Inception," but I'm a little bummed that it was SOOO complex to people.

Any college freshman should be able to get this movie.

Or am i dreaming?

The Baitful Dead...

2010-08-01T23:16:00.004-04:00

I recently attended a big event here in South Florida, the culmination of Lobster Mini-Season.

It's called Lobster Dinner (not pictured).

I know it wasn't the only big lobster party around town this weekend.

It's not often that I do blogs by request.

But, sitting at a long, lobster-decorated table, I was asked, 'Are you going to write a blog about this?'

I thought, sure, why the heck not? As Mad Dog used to tell me, I can sing for my supper.
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First of all, I wish I had thought of the title of this blog.

Combining the Grateful Dead and fishing would've been a masterstroke I gladly would've claimed.

Sadly, it's not original.

I read it off of a t-shirt at said dinner.
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So South Florida fisherman who have proper permits are allowed to go back into the water hunting for Lobster on August 6th.

So what's the big deal about Mini-Season?

Why the copious news coverage and interest?

From what I'm told, lobster-hunting is difficult.

But, during mini-season, the tasty victims are so plentiful that even an idiot can leave with their limit.

So, for skilled lobster-folk, it's not really a big deal.

But for newbies, this is their time to pounce.

For the skilled-folk, this is batting practice.
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I grew in a household that celebrated everything, big time.

I'm fairly certain this was driven more by my mother's love for Publix cupcakes than the actual holidays themselves.

Still, I was brought up to appreciate festive.

Lobster Dinner was that and then some.

From fake lobsters on the tables, a lobster dive flag on the front door, and my favorite touch, a lobster-themed necklace, this was wall-to-wall lobster.
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I think too often people celebrate the wrong parts of South Florida.

Even LeBron James during his announcement: "I want to take my talents to South Beach."

That perception of our town, that it's just about clubs, cheesy music, and cheesier people.

I think image that sort of misses the point of what it means to be in South Florida.

Lobster dinner didn't.

Jersey, Sure?

2010-07-30T00:57:00.005-04:00

An intrepid Heat fan (not pictured) decided it'd be a good idea to wear a LeBron James jersey in Cleveland.

That's right.

He decided to flaunt the Heat's big acqusition and rub it right in the face of Cleveland fans.

How did you think it would end?

Fortunately, he was able to make it out of the stadium alive and well.
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I saw the video of him walking out of the stadium.

His girlfriend decided to start brawling with one of the Indians' faithful.

Marriage material?

What suprised me the most was that it was during the 6th inning.

How did this dude survive 5 innings?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
Look, it's fun to be the enemy at a sporting venue.

Go to any Jets-Dolphins game, and you realize, rivarly and taunting is part of the game.

But this really wasn't a fair fight.

It's just too soon.

Plus, factor in the town you're talking about.

The Indians are more than 15 games out of first place.

The Browns are coming off of a bad season and are putting their franchise in the shaky hands of Jake Delhomme.

The Cavs, well, we all know about the Cavs.

And worst of all, they live in Cleveland.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I have found the reaction to LeBron's decision to be a little exaggerated.

People have been a little too angry about it.

There's sour grapes all around.

People are trashing a guy's legacy when he's 25.

That'd be like writing a movie review after the opening credits.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Still, there's one place where I do feel their pain.

It's Cleveland.

The fans have JUST been through a trauma.

Let them process it.

And most importantly, when the Heat actually do have to play at the Cavs, make sure there's extra security.

In 1697's "The Mourning Bride" William Congreve wrote "Heav'n has no Rage, like Love to Hatred turn'd, Nor Hell a Fury, like a Woman scorn'd."

He obviously had never been to Cleveland.

Wizarding World? More Like My Personal Nightmare

2010-07-28T09:42:00.009-04:00

I had the opportunity to go on the new Harry Potter ride (not pictured).

Well, opportunity isn't really the right word.

I'd use hostage situation, but I wasn't taken by force.

Well, not physical force.

More like emotional espionage and bribery.

An out-of-town friend was DYING to go on this thing.

He promised me a fun day at Universal parks.

And, to top it off, we had free passes that allowed us to not only go into both parks, but to cut all lines.

So, I went.
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Now let me give you the following warning.

I don't like the Harry Potter series.

It's just not my thing.

I do respect it because I like anything that gets people excited about reading.

So, I would say I fell somewhere between hater and muggle on the scale.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The park wasn't just hot.

It was the surface of the sun hot.

The poor folks who actually had to wait, were standing in line JUST TO GET INTO the area where the Potter ride was located.

That's right, a line to get into the line.

I couldn't imagine enduring that heat JUST to get into Harry's world.

To use the worst line that TV anchors say, if you're going to go, pack your patience.
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To Universal's credit, the place allegedly looked exactly like the books.

There were all these little shops which were references to both the movies and books.

I did drink a glass of butterbeer (I tried both the frozen and unfrozen).

It tasted like caramel and nerd.
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When we walked into the actual ride area, it was all Pottered out.

There was a hologram of an old dude talking about Hogwarts and our role on the ride.

Then there were three holograms of the goofy British kid who was in Equis, and two other characters.

They were talking about a game of whatever broom-ball sport Harry plays.

I was bored to tears.

My friend was nearly moved to tears.
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And then the ride started.

You know those moments where you know you're getting old?

It's nothing big.

It's just that you realize, my body isn't responding to this stimuli the way it used to.

I would describe getting on the Potter ride like that.
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They strap you into a chair.

In your ear you hear accented voice saying god knows what.

It was like being in "Clockwork Orange."

But rather than the ultra-sex and the ultra-violence, I was subjected to much worse.

You're flying through the air following Harrry.

They toss you about and do all the same tricks I had seen an hour earlier on the Spiderman ride.

My friend decried my lack of sophistication about rides.

He called it "a game changer."

I said, "Yes, If you are playing the, 'don't give me a migraine' game."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
America is built on bigger and better.

Unfortunately, in the roller coaster and ride business, that also applies.

The quest to come up with new and interesting ways to make people want to upchuck is unending.

This ride was like 'Body Wars' on speed.

It was so violent to the internal equilibrium.

Just shaking, non-stop.

I felt like I had shaken baby syndrome, even though I'm already 351 months old.
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Harry Potter really is a wizard.

He made my afternoon and feeling of well-being disappear.

No. You. Didn't.

2010-07-22T00:12:00.010-04:00

The 2010 Miami Heat are the most celebrated team in the history of sports, that has yet to win a single game.

The hype machine has been in overdrive the last week.

It culminated with the following, a song by the rapper Flo Rida (not pictured) entitled "We Already Won (The Miami Heat Song).

Take a listen.

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First thing's first.

This song is WAY better than the horrendous T-Pain Miami Dolphins song.

As a child, I had multiple surgeries on my ears.

I would gladly exchange any of those for the aural insult that is T-Pain's auto-tuned abomination.

So at least this is catchy.
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Now to the title of this blog.

I was there at the AmericanAirlines Arena the night the Heat introduced LeBron James, Dwyane Wade, and Chris Bosh.

They were handing out placards with a photo of the Big Three that read "Yes. We. Did."

Of course, they were mirroring the language of President Obama's campaign slogan "Yes. We. Can."

Never, a good idea to mix politics and sports.

But you can just call this the audacity of hoop.
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That night felt a little dirty.

How can you throw such a big party, for a team that hasn't done anything yet?

Yes. We. Did.

What exactly did you do?

You signed three players.

Three awesome players.

Two sure-fire Hall of Famers.

But you haven't won anything yet.

Underneath all the noise and laughter, I kept thinking, God help this team if they don't win a title.

This is "Dewey Beats Truman" embarrassing.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I don't blame the fans or the media for drowning in the pool of Heat adulation.

This SHOULD be an incredibly good basketball team.

The role players they've filled in, make for a roster this is built to win and win big.

But they haven't done it yet.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Heat marketing machine should push this team.

It sells season-tickets, gets you the cover of 'Sports Illustrated,' and creates a frenzy for your fans.

But head coach Erik Spoelstra has the opposite job.

He needs to bring these guys back down to earth.

Here are the facts.

The Heat were embarrassed in the first round of the playoffs the last two years.

LeBron James has never won an NBA title.

Dwyane Wade has an injury history.

Chris Bosh has never played in a meaningful NBA game.

Does it mean these guys can't have a parade down Biscayne Boulevard eventually?

Absolutely not.

But I can't get down with this premature party.

Although, Flo Rida did put together a catchy little soundtrack for the insanity.

Shameless Plug...

2010-07-16T00:48:00.001-04:00

I will be on the radio (not pictured) this weekend.

If you're up early on Sunday, I'll be co-hosting the "Sunday Morning Sports Page" on WQAM with Captain Curtis.

The show airs from 7 until 9 in the morning.

It's on 560 am if you're in South Florida or wqam.com if you're not.

If you call and mention the blog, that would make my day.

We now return to your regularly scheduled program

Loss Of The Boss...

2010-07-14T01:26:00.008-04:00

I couldn't believe I was standing at the Deli counter at Publix crying.

But, it's true.

I was standing there waiting to get sandwiches for myself and my girlfriend, and I was shedding tears over George Steinbrenner (not pictured).

This was absurd to me.

George was the owner.

That's it.

He wrote the checks.

He never caught a flyball, drove in a run, or stole a base.

So why did I care so much?
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The short answer is that I'm a loser.

But that wouldn't make for a very interesting blog.

I didn't realize I had such an emotional pull towards Steinbrenner, until the day that he died (isn't that always the way).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I kept saying to myself: I feel like the Yankees died today.

I called my father (I know it's a cliche to say that baseball is between fathers and sons--- but it's true--- it's the most consistent part of our relationship).

My dad basically said, That's life.

He's a neurosurgeon.

Death is sort of par for the course with that profession.

And I appreciated his point of view.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I met George once when I was a kid.

It was at Spring Training.

He was surrounded.

He was wearing a white Yankees jacket.

I managed to find my way to approach him.

I was that kid.

I could ALWAYS get to the athlete and get the prized autograph (a skill that has served me well throughout my life).

He signed an autograph and was really nice about it.

But that wasn't it.

I once was able to get an autograph of the rapper Ice Cube at a Heat game (that was a good day) and yet I don't feel the same emotional pull towards him.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
After a day of thinking about it, I finally put my finger on why I was so upset.

My father grew up in the era of Mickey Mantle.

He still tells stories about taking the Subway to Bronx Science and seeing the Mick in the outfield.

Championships were expected.

I grew up watching Yankee games on WPIX.

As charming as Phil Rizzuto was, the Yankees sucked (he had more shoutouts than an award show, often at the expense of the broadcast, LOVED Scooter).

I felt the Yankees never gave Don Mattingly the team he deserved.

It always bothered me.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It bothered Steinbrenner just as much.

That's why I loved him.

Steinbrenner demanded excellence.

He would do WHATEVER was necessary to make sure the Yankee franchise was returned to its glory days.

Yes, there are people who say, it was Steinbrenner's suspension from baseball that allowed the Yankee dynasty to bloom.

He was out of the game, and so he couldn't trade away the likes of Mariano Rivera, Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, and on and on.

I don't see it that way.
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For better or worse, George Steinbrenner was America.

Unbridled capitalism and excess.

For crying out loud, he was born on the 4th of July.

Steinbrenner fancied himself a modern-day Patton and deluded himself into thinking he had more to do with the outcome of the games, than he actually did.

But, as a Yankee fan, I always knew this: He would try.

George cared about putting the ultimate product on the field, every day.

That's all you can really ask from an owner.
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Many of my best memories in life revolve around the Yankees.

I kept the ticket stub from Game 1 of the 2000 World Series in my wallet until it evaporated.

I was at Duke.

I flew to New York.

My dad, brother and I had bleacher seats in right field for the first game of the Subway series.

The Yankees won on a hit by Jose Vizcaino. That building shook.

I remember flying to San Diego for the clinching game in the 1998 World Series.

I nearly crapped my pants when Jim Leyritz nearly hit the ball out for San Diego, but the ball fell short, and the Yanks completed the sweep.

I can't count the number of times my mother dressed a dog up in Yankees gear.

My mother would routinely pull me out of school to go to Spring Training games in Fort Lauderdale.

I never stayed home from school being sick, wasn't allowed, but Yankee games were sacred.

I've smoked countless victory cigars with my friend Will.

From March until November every year, I can count on the Yankees fielding a great to outstanding team.

I'm a jumpy dude.

The Yankees are one of a handful of things that can actually allow me to relax.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All of that is because of Steinbrenner and the culture that he reinstilled.

The Yankees were lost for a while.

Steinbrenner put them back on course.

I can't give him enough credit for that.

So yeah, maybe it wasn't so bad that I cried.

I really hope he's honored in November with Championship 28.

I promise when I'm smoking my victory cigar, I'l think of the Boss and say the one thing every Yankee fan should: Thank you!

Great Night... Greater Expectations...

2010-07-09T00:40:00.014-04:00

We may be on the cusp of a dynasty (not pictured).

My head is still spinning after the CRAZY night I just experienced.

I would argue it was the most important night in Miami Heat history, and not a bad one for my career.

Miami is now loved and loathed.

The greatest basketball player in the world now calls Miami home.

The Heat now has the greatest trifecta in the NBA.

Boston found three players to commit who were all about winning. They won a title and were within two minutes of another.

The Heat did the same thing, except the players are 10 years younger and JUST heading into their prime.

MIami will put the NASTY, in dynasty.
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Allow me to put you in my sneakers for a second.

I woke up this morning at 7 am.

I was laying bed and simply couldn't fall asleep.

My girlfriend was on her way to work and asked: Why are you up?

I said one word: LeBron.

I had become truly obsessed.

So, I go to work thinking, okay, I'm a sports producer today.

LeBron's making his decision today, it's going to be a MADHOUSE.

That's fine.
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After the 6 pm news, our two main anchors come up to me, why don't you go on the air to talk during our LeBron special?

Hmm, I thought. That would be fun.

I mean, I'm standing here in a pair of blue jeans.

I didn't do the most thorough job shaving today.

But okay, let's rock n' roll.

The idea was shot down.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
So I go back to my producing.

Now, my news director calls me into his office. If you've ever worked in television, that's a scary thing.

He says, why don't you go on the air and talk about twitter, blogs and facebook?

Sure, I said.

I have been beyond obsessed with social media since I joined facebook (though I was admittedly a slow adapater to twitter).

Then he correctly pointed out that my shirt wasn't exactly TV ready.

No problem.

The main anchor let me borrow a shirt and jacket (Thank you again Calvin, Laurie and Will!).
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So there I am.

It's 9 o'clock.

I'm looking over my boss' shoulder at LeBron's press conference.

I have an IFB in my good ear (i do actually have a good ear).

My stomach is churning.

I'm infinitely more nervous about LeBron than being on TV.

TV is talking.

Either I'll say something intelligent and interesting, or I'll say something stupid.

There were really only two ways it could go.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
They throw to me.

I start talking.

It went well.

Everyone seem pleased.

But that's not even the headline on the night.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
When LeBron says the word "SOUTH BEACH" I thought: Does no one respect downtown Miami?

The Heat play in downtown.

You have to take the 195 or 395 to get to the beach.

It's like when TV stations bump in with beach shots from Sun Life Stadium.

It's in Miami Gardens.

When I got done with my idiotic mental rant, I said, Wait a second.

We got him!

We got him!

I started dancing like a contestant on the "Price Is Right" picked for the showcase showdown.

It's a shame I'm such a goofy dancer, "So You Think You Can Dance" really has given me a desire to express myself, but I digress.
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The center of the basketball universe is now South Florida.

And I work here, I live here, I was born here.

We showed people with pots and pans celebrating in Southwest Miami-Dade like the day we won the title.

It felt like that.

Only better.

I wanted pots and pans (speaking of Pot, I'm really glad the Heat traded Michael Beasley. He was more high than highlights, enjoy Minny Beas).
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I got to my phone after the show.

I had TONS of texts, missed calls, and facebook notifications (as anyone who knows me, I LOVE me some facebook notifications).

They were from around the country: LA, Denver, New York, Boston, and Chicago.

That's what I loved about 2006.

Everyone came together to celebrate the Heat.

It's going to happen again.

My guess is 2 or 3 times.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I can go into the nuts and bolts of basketball.

How will they round out the roster, can they really win, and all of that.

But that's another blog for another day.

I'm just going to enjoy that my town matters, that I was in the right place at the right time, and my favorite moment of the day, a text from my brother that read "I was wrong."

Yes you were.

Never bet against Pat Riley.

Feeling Greedy...

2010-07-08T00:26:00.006-04:00

I (not pictured) am feeling greedy tonight.

I have been worried about Dwyane Wade opting out of his Miami Heat contract for MONTHS.

I looked at the Heat roster and I thought, could you blame him if he left?

This week, I've been a nervous wreck about Wade's possible departure and flirtation with Chicago.

Today, my wish came true, and then some.

Not only did Wade sign, but he's bringing 5-time All-Star Chris Bosh with him.

And yet I'm not satisfied.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've made the case multiple times on this blog as to WHY Miami is the most logical destination for a Wade and LeBron pairing.

Cap space.

The Bird Rule.

All of that.

But, I'm less than 24 hours from it actually happening.

It's been obsessing me.

I'm up all night twittering.

I've been glued to ESPN (how they've embarrassed journalism with this story is a blog for another person to write. Needless to say, I've been underwhelmed with their ethics and coverage).

I daydream about what Pat Riley said to LeBron during their 3-hour meeting.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
I've also been really angry at these guys.

As my last post indicated, I'm not happy with how they've conducted themselves.

Look at Kevin Durrant.

The guy signed a 5-year extension and no one knew he did it.

LOVE that guy.

Sure, LeBron, Wade, and Bosh are brash and borderline obnoxious.

Sure it's a bad economy and they're debating 100 million dollar deals.

But, I've always been blessed (or cursed) with the ability to differentiate between OFF-THE-COURT and ON-THE-COURT.

These guys may be arrogant.

They may be immature.

But they can ball. (just so no one calls me out on what I said about Bosh in the previous blog. I think he's a good player. I don't think he's "elite." He's certainly not in the Wade-LeBron class. Still, glad he's on Miami's roster. As a third piece, he'd be unreal).
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thursday's announcement is about what LeBron values.

I personally believe Wade, Bosh, and Riley filling out the jigsaw puzzle gives him the best chance to win.

Cleveland is home.

New York is the biggest market in the World.

New Jersey has his friend Jay-Z and the chance to rule Brooklyn.

Chicago added Boozer. They have a nice roster which could be sick. (Although Rose isn't Wade, not yet).

LeBron's success has earned him the right to make this decision.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tonight, is the last night I'll fall asleep dreaming about free agency.

Tomorrow, I'll be returned to reality.

The reason I want LeBron in Miami is because he would make my hometown MATTER so much more.

We'd max out national tv games, every game (home and away) would be an event, we'd be nationally loved and loathed.

It would just be fascinating.

And I'd have a front-row seat.

Either way, I appreciate the opportunity to see Dwyane play for the next 5 or 6 years.
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What's crazy is everything that's been said, everything that's been written, everything that's been tweeted, everything that's been reported...

It all becomes irrelevant tomorrow.

LeBron will make his choice and so will go the NBA for the next few years.

The fates of fans, towns, economies, and an entire sport are in LeBron's hands.

That's an awesome responsibility.

I just can't believe I'm letting the King hold my emotions ransom.

I want to be free.

But I also want to cover a dynasty.

To be continued...

Little Three...

2010-07-06T00:38:00.010-04:00

I've been obsessed with NBA free agents (not pictured).

I literally spend HOURS and HOURS scanning twitter looking to find out the latest hint of what the big three: Chris Bosh, LeBron James, and Dwyane Wade are going to do.

Frankly, before the chips fall, I wanted to say something about all three.

They've been total ***holes the last week.
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Let me start with Dwyane Wade.

I'm closest to his situation and may I say he's handled it so badly I don't know where to begin.

This town has LITERALLY been named after Dwyane.

I currently reside in Miami-Wade County.

And yet, up until this morning, Wade didn't have the decency to show up here.

If they named a hogie after me in Norway, I'd be on the next flight.

The town is throwing themselves at him, and he can't be bothered.
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Then, Monday morning (on a holiday), the Heat tweets that Wade will be arriving in town.

They give the area to wait.

50 fans take time out of their day to show Wade love.

Turns out, it's the wrong terminal.

Flash just drives away.

In the worst economy since the depression, people get up at 7 am on a holiday to BEG a guy to take 125 MILLION dollars; and he can't be troubled to stop.

His PR people spun it however they wanted.

Bottom line is this: If he cared, he would've stopped.
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And then, there's the latest.

Wade was supposed to appear at a press conference to promote Zo's Summer Groove, a big charity event in town.

He cancelled.

Way to go Wade, sell out fans, and now charity... want to kick some puppies next?
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Chris Bosh is having fun with free agency.

He's tweeting.

He's talking.

He's washing himself in the adoration.

Everyone needs to keep something in mind.

He averages 20 points, and 10 rebounds, yes.

But he's also a big man in the east.

Not exactly stiff competition.

Also, he's the only player on the Raptors.

And most disconcertingly, he's a jump-shooter.

He's basically a younger Jermaine O'Neal.

He's a good player, just not as good as he thinks he is.

Whatever team has him, will be regretting his contract years 4 or 5 (or god forbid 6).
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And there's LeBron.

I won't leave Akron.

Come to me.

2 teams a day.

2 hours.

I'll show up in my pajamas.

LeBron has an awfully big ego for a guy who hasn't won a title.

I would like to be a witness to his maturation process.

Instead, I'm seeing all three of these guys bathe in ego and holding the NBA hostage in the process.
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There's so much that annoys me about the conduct of these free agents.

They all act like they're making SUCH a tough decision.

Really?

I promise you I wouldn't lose a night's sleep over who wanted to pay me 100M.

Don't make it look so agonizing guys.

It's really distasteful.

Where these guys end up will be impactful on wins and losses next year.

But to be honest, all of these free agents have lost some respect.

Pat's Pitch...

2010-07-02T01:12:00.010-04:00

Friday is one of the most important days in the long, storied, Hall-of-Fame career of Pat Riley (not pictured).

He will be in Ohio pitching to LeBron James.

For all the praise that's been heaped Riley's way as master-motivator and great public speaker, this will be the most important sell-job of his life.

While he'll be joined by Micky Arison, Zo, and a host of Heat brass.

Make no mistake.

This is Pat and LeBron, one-on-one.
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The cards are stacked in Riley's favor for many reasons.

The biggest is money.

The Heat have more cap-room than ANY TEAM around.

Now, because of the Larry Bird Rule (which basically encourages players to stay with their own teams), Cleveland can pay LeBron more.

BUT...

Miami can afford Wade, LeBron, and either Bosh, Booozer, A'Mare.

Whichever of the three bigs Miami comes up with, that team is winning the Eastern Conference.

Oh heck, I won't limit my expectations... That team is winning multiple titles.

That team is challenging the Bulls' wins record and might even go after the '72 Dolphins (no pressure)

Riley can sell winning on a level that Cleveland, New York, New Jersey, and the Clippers cannot.
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There's a loyalty factor.

LeBron is from Ohio.

He's hosting his meetings in Akron.

He's trying to show he's all business.

He and Warren Buffet even claim to be tight (I don't foresee the two partying together much, but what do I know?).

So Riley needs to break through that.
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The easiest way to do it is the following:

Keep it in basketball terms.

Show LeBron that his BEST chance of winning big is here in Miami.

Because honestly, I think it is.

LeBron, Wade, and one of those bigs is a better nucleus than Rose, LeBron, and Joakim Noah.

It's certainly better than anything New York or New Jersey can bring to the table.
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What makes this week so fascinating is it's a chance for LeBron James to define himself as a human being.

I'm not overstating that.

What does he value?

Money?

Loyalty?

The spotlight?

Winning?

Everyone is talking about this Batman and Robin analogy.

And that's fine.

Is LeBron defined by his ego?

The true greats, like to be surrounded by greatness.

They aren't threatened by it.
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Truth is, I don't know what's in LeBron James' heart.

I just know that Riley better put in the extra hair product on Friday and be his showtime self.

The future of the Heat franchise depends on it.

One final tip, don't tell LeBron you'll surround with great talent such as Delonte West, it's still too soon.

Tagging, You're It

2010-06-29T16:00:00.008-04:00

My brother (not pictured) made a movie recommendation that I (also not pictured) had to take him up on.

He told me I should see a film called "Exit Through The Gift Shop."

To be perfectly honest, as he explained it to me on facebook chat, I sort of tuned out (maybe it's because that chat is so sporatic).

Oh here comes professor Jon with another of his movies that no one has heard of, I bet it's subtitled. Throw in the word "noir" and he'd be pitching a pants-tent.

Dude was right though (as usual).

This movie is outstanding and you should go see it yesterday.
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I don't want to get TOO into the plot of the movie.

It's a documentary that explores street art and the artists.

The reason I don't want to tell you the story is because the movie does such a better job than I ever could.

It unfolds in a clear and fascinating way.

So rather than talk about plot, I'd rather discuss some of the ideological questions that the film raises.
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The movie explores the legitimatization of graffiti artists.

Basically, these artists go from petty criminals, to high-demand artists selling their work for hundreds of thousands of dollars at auction houses.

After the movie, I went across Sunset Place to Barnes Ignoble where they were selling a big book with the work of Banksy, one of the artists profiled in the film.

How does that impact your work?

It becomes hard to "keep it real" when all of a sudden everything you do, is adored by the people you abhor.

Mock me, I'll give you 100K for it.

It inevitably changes you.

I think that's why the word "gift shop" worked its way into the title.

It's not just about art, it's about commerce and the nature of selling out.

The "selling" isn't in there by accident.
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There's also a struggle once this art is legitimatized that copy-cats come in and steal credibility.

So here are these artists, they've risked arrest, their lives (you'd be amazed by the lengths they have to go to to put their art on cities)... and they've achieved what they claim they don't want: legitimacy.

And now, others come in and poach their style having paid none of the dues.

The originals want to rip these copy-cats.

The problem is: The whole point to their art is, there are no rules.

So what now?

Street graffiti isn't the only medium where this takes place: music, books, just about any art form.

It's like listening to hip-hop on Y100, is it real hip-hop anymore? Do the artists care if they're on their yacht?
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The nature of art vs. vandalism is an inherent subtext to any discussion of this modern art form.

It's beautiful when you look at it on the movie screen.

Not so much fun when someone tags your storefront.

The lines between artist, criminal, and fraud are thin, and that's sort of the point of the movie.

Is the protagonist a genius, a fake, a madman, a tagger, a filmmaker, or as he professes to be Mr. Brainwash?

I'm not sure.

But I sure enjoyed the heck out of the movie.

Four-Fingered Salute...

2010-06-28T22:23:00.009-04:00

It was an emotional weekend for Joe Torre (not pictured) and for Yankees fans.

The Yankees returned to LA to take on the Dodgers.

Most importantly, it was the first time that Joe Torre and Don Mattingly ever OPPOSED the Yankees.

It was strange as a fan.

It was surreal.

And more importantly, as a 3-game series, it was ****ing awesome!
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There are really two stories that were at work.

There was the baseball story.

This was a potential World Series preview. This is a rivalry that goes back to Jackie Robinson sliding under Yogi Berra in the World Series. This is the two biggest media markets, two of the biggest payrolls.

All of that.

And, more compelling in my view, there was the human story.
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I read Joe Torre's book "The Yankee Years" and I watched him build an empire in New York.

The day he was signed the New York papers ran a headline "Clueless Joe." He went from that, to four world championships.

Along the way, Torre always demonstrated class, dignity, and a quality that made people hate the Yankees less.

That's hard to do.

Even Yankee haters respect Jeter, Rivera, and Posada (Pettitte would be on this list but he cheated).

Torre was also on that list.
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That said, to write a tell-all book about your players, WHILE YOU ARE STILL MANAGING, is pretty bush league.

Seriously.

I read the book with great interest.

But did he really need to rip AROD like that?

For a guy who excudes class, I thought it was a cheap money-grab.

But more importantly, I thought it reflected how truly HURT he was by the end of his Yankee years.

Not only did Torre not go out on his own terms, but he was essentially made to grovel for his job.

In the book, he stooped to management's level.
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Which brings me back to this weekend.

Yes, there were emotional reunions.

Jeter hugged Torre.

Mariano hugged Torre.

Billy Crystal showed up wearing a Switzerland Hat (he's a Yankees fan but close friends with Torre).

Jack wore a Yankees hat (is there a bigger front-runner on planet earth--- really? Yankees and Lakers? Does he go to Vegas to cheer on the dealers?)

And the games were great.

Friday night, 2-1 win for New York. CC Sabathia and Mariano combined to shut down the Dodgers. AROD hit a beautiful F-U home run.

Saturday, the Dodgers strike back. They trounce the Yankees as Reggie Jackson and Tommy Lasorda shoot the stuff in the Fox broadcast booth (note to Tim McCarver: less is more, it's not about you when two legends are riffing).

Sunday: The Yankees trail 6-2 in the 9th. They had a 9th inning rally off Dodgers closer Jonathan Broxton and eventually won in the 10th on a 2-run homer by Robinson Cano (who is baseball's MVP so far--- go look at his stats--- SICK).
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During that rally, Torre had to look over wistfully and think, DAMN!

The difference in this game is simple.

I rolled out Broxton in the 9th, Joe Girardi rolled out Rivera.

With Mo, I'm a genius 4-time champ.

With Broxton, I'm Philly's bitch in the Playoffs.

Is Torre a better or worse manager in LA than he was in NY?

Nope, he just had better players in NY.
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I say all of that to get to my favorite moment, and it involves my favorite athlete.

The Yankees had rallied to tie the game at 6-6.

There was a runner on 2nd and two outs.

Torre had looked cool, calm, and collected as his team was falling apart.

That was until Derek Jeter walked towards the plate.

ESPN cut to a panicked Torre throwing up 4 fingers.

I said to my girlfriend (who has quickly learned that Yankees game are a central part of my existance): He's walking Jeter.

He's scared.

Joe Torre has dealt with a lot in baseball and in life.

He was fired prematurely (and reacted badly only after the fact).

He was a rock while his brother battled cancer.

He was abused as a child (and has done amazing work to prevent that since).

He's a former league MVP and 4-time WS champion as a manager.

But that guy wanted NO PART of Derek Jeter in the 9th.

Too many times he'd seen DJ get the needed base hit to settle games.

When Jeter was coming up, I could already visualize the base hit to right, the run scoring and Jeter giving his little fist pump.

So could Torre.

He had seen this movie before.

30 Years from now when someone starts talking trash about Jeter, and telling me how overrated he is, and how he's not truly a Yankees legend... I'll know.

The man who was afraid of nothing, FEARED Jeter in the 9th.

That four-fingered salute and look of panick tells me more than Elias Sports Bureau's stats ever will.

US Against The World

2010-06-24T00:35:00.005-04:00

God Bless Landon Donovan (not pictured).

Never in my life did I think on ONE tv screen I'd have an England-Slovenia game where I was PRAYING for a Slovenia goal, and on the other, I'd watch the US go toe-to-toe with Algeria.

But that was the situation on Wednesday.

The US was in one of those "win or get help" situations, and help wasn't coming.

The 90th minute arrived and I was standing next to Joe Zigacki, the voice of the Miami Hurricanes.

Joe said to me, Dukie, that may be a LOONNNNG flight home.

Then its flashed on ESPN: 4 minutes of extra time.
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During the minute before Donovan's goal, I was working myself into a frenzy of rage.

Earlier in the game, Clint Dempsey scored a goal for the US, but it once again, was wiped off the board.

A BS off-sides call was the culprit this time.

Sure, the US blew chances, but how deflating must that have been for Bob Bradley's bunch?

I said to myself, F this sport.

Really.

For whatever reason, be it political, economic, jealousy, that we're new to the sport...

American goals don't count.

Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.

For whatever reason, we couldn't get a break and it makes the rest of the world delighted that we can't.

I thought to myself, how can I emotionally invest in sport, where my team legitimately doesn't have a chance to win? To make it even more personal, that's my country.

F that.

If the US doesn't score here, I'm done with it...
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I didn't even get the word "it" into my brain, before a frenzy of joy and elation.

Landon Donovan did what elite players are supposed to do in crucial situations, he found a way to win.

As the Americans formed a dogpile on the side of the pitch, I felt myself well up with unbridled jingoism.

You know what rest of the world??? You don't want the US to do well at soccer? Tough **it.

We're coming to beat you at your own game.

American imperialism on the pitch and in your face.
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So there you have it soccer, you almost lost me and then won me over BIG TIME in the span of about 90 minutes.

Honestly, I don't really care about the typical soccer questions... Will soccer ever catch on in the US and blah blah blah...

What I do care about is *THIS* US team.

They overcame horrible officials, slow starts, uneven defense, the vuvuzelas, and the hatred of the world, and won their group for the first time since 1930.

Bring on Ghana Saturday.

I believe.

Always Moving

2010-06-23T00:17:00.005-04:00

Many of my readers have not hear of Colin Curtis (not pictured).

And to be honest with you, until Monday night, neither had I.

But at around 12:15 a.m. Wednesday, I got to watch Colin Curtis live out his dream.

I must admit I was deeply moved.
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Curtis was the Yankees' 4th round pick in 2006 out of Arizona State.

And at around 12:15, Curtis drove a ball over the Arizona Diamondbacks' centerfielder to drive home a pair of runs for the Yankees.

But the story begins 10 years earlier.

At the age of 15, Curtis was diagnosed with testicular cancer.

Can you imagine?

According to his wiki page (so it must be true), Colin was given a book by Lance Armstrong that inspired him (hopefully it wasn't "how to dope").
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But back to the magical moment.

I have to admit, there are certain events that ALWAYS move me.

I'm a mess at weddings.

I will often be moved at movies.

And yes, when I see someone get their first big-league hit, it's always touching.
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After his double, they cut back to a shot of Curtis in the dugout.

The entire Yankees team was waiting for him.

AROD gave him a hug.

Teixeira told him 'good job.'

Girardi gave him a fist-bump.

And Colin looked up in the stands where his brother could be seen mouthing "**CK Yeah", while his dad stood and applauded, and his mom was high-fiving and then texting.

After the game, his father walked down the stands to take pictures of his son being interviewed.

Does it get any better than that?
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That's why I love sports.

Here we are.

It's the 8th inning of a Diamondbacks-Yankees game that has long since been decided.

The kid is pinch hitting.

And boom.

This incredible, life-changing, life-affirming moment.

Everything Colin Curtis went through in his life, beating cancer, those bus rides in the minor leagues... POOF.

All the struggle was gone in one swing of the bat.

He was now officially a New York Yankee.

It's always great to see someone's dream come true right before your eyes.

Or maybe I'm just trying to justify paying $180 a year for the Direct TV baseball package...

Swallow Your Whistle...

2010-06-19T01:09:00.004-04:00

I don't know all the rules of soccer, but I do know that Koman Coulibaly (not pictured) called an AWFUL game on Friday.

The ref from Mali blew a CRITICAL call that cost the US a win in the World Cup.

Now, technically, because England's been so dreadful in the World Cup, the US can win its last match of the opening round and advance to the Round of 16. (the only highlight of England's performance so far has been David Beckham's suits, the man can dress).

That's fine.

But the match I watched on Friday was an absolute disgrace to sport, and this knucklehead should never be allowed on a pitch again.
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I kid you not, I really think the match was fixed.

There's one of two culprits.

Either, the ref had a POLITICAL reason to hate the US (not out of the realm of possibilities--- although my knowledge of US-Mali relations is limited) *OR* this guy was on the take.

THROUGHOUT the match, it was called ONE WAY, and some of the calls were absurd.

A key US player received a yellow card for what appears to be breathing.

Short of putting on one of the Slovenia jerseys (which looked like they were designed by Charlie Brown), the ref COULD NOT have been more biased.
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The number one objective of good officiating is to make yourself invisitble.

That goes IN PARTICULAR for the end of game situations.

In the 4th quarter, 9th inning, 85th minute...

That's not time for you to "step up" refs, it's time for you to stand down.

Sports should be decided by the combatants.

That's why we watch.

Nobody wants to see a contest decided by a whistle, especially an errant, ignorant one.
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I feel for the US players.

I really do.

They busted their asses to make a tremendous comeback down 2-nil and HAD the chance to walk away with a win.

That win was taken away.

Saturday FIFA is reviewing his performance.

Not much to review.

He sucked.

Now it's time to take away this guy's whistle.

In Defense Of The Vuvuzela...

2010-06-13T23:33:00.006-04:00

There's controversy surrounding the World Cup because of a noisemaker called the Vuvuzela (not pictured).

If you've watched any of the games, it essentially sounds like there's a perpetual buzz.

In fact, while watching the United States' final friendly against Australia, my girlfriend was first convinced that there were bees in my apartment, and then kindly asked me to mute the TV.
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It's gotten so bad that on Sunday, the organizer of the World Cup said they are considering banning them from the games.

Now you would think, being a neophyte to the sport, I'd be all for this decision.

You'd be wrong.
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During the World Cup, we're guests of the country of South Africa.

This month is for that country to showcase its cultural and traditions.

For one month every four years, I take an intense interest in the beautiful game, and then it falls to the backburner (like many Americans who are casual soccer fans).

But while I'm in that world, who am I to start dictating how people enjoy themselves?

It's not my sport.

It's not my country.

My job is to observe, to learn, to appreciate.

Not to start calling the shots.

If that's the tradition, that's the tradition.

Would I like someone from abroad to come here and end "the wave" (of course I would, it's godawful, but that's not really part of my rhetorical argument)?
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Soccer and sports are about expressions of who you are and what you want to be.

If that's how the fans of South Africa and from around the world want to enjoy their game: cool.
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I was a Cameron Crazy in college.

We had strange chants, rituals, face-paintings.

We were a bunch of nerds who slept out in the cold for 6 weeks, to try to heckle North Carolina's basketball players.

It was strange and bizarre.

If I were an outsider in Cameron, I'd think, what an annoying freakshow (that was always the point).

As a Cameron crazy, I wouldn't want someone telling me how to or how not to cheer.
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So if that's what makes the fans in South Africa happy, I say, Vuvuzela away my friends.

It's better than letting Bieber sing. (callback!)

Cut And Run Carroll

2010-06-11T01:50:00.006-04:00

I'll begin this blog with a simple question:

What the ***K has happened to college sports?

There were TWO major stories on Thursday and I believe they're related.

The first is that USC was sanctioned for what happened on the watch of Pete Carroll (not pictured--- look closely at the bottle to get this one).

The second is that schools are moving and shaking to different conferences.
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I'll begin with the West Coast's answer to Nick Saban, Pete Carroll.

There's no doubt he sold himself as "cool."

USC was the school that let Snoop Dogg and Will Ferrell hang out at practice.

Pete twittered.

He recruited the best players.

They hung out in the California sun (playing nobody) and built a dynasty.
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One problem: the program was dirty.

Yes, this all stems from Reggie Bush.

But it's like a guy who gets a DUI, was that REALLY the first time you've ever had too much to drink and gotten into the car?

Please.

Pete Carroll KNEW.

That's why the wimp cut and run.

He RAN to the NFL right before the hammer dropped down on his program.

I'll ask the Ronald Reagan question: Is your program better now than it was 4 years ago?

Nope.

Pete Carroll screwed USC and didn't even bother to use a Trojan.

He makes BP look accountable.
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That's fine though.

The guy who took over for Carroll is an equally unlikable character.

Lane Kiffin keeps failing up.

He sucked in Oakland.

He was average in Tennessee.

And now his dream job is a pile of poo.

I'm glad.

He's shady.

Enjoy those 6-6 seasons.
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As for realignment, I have NO freaking idea what's going on.

I mean, I get the big picture.

College sports is stacking these SUPERCONFERENCES.

Why?

The same reason anything else happens in this world: money.

Everyone is rushing for cash.

Forget traditional matchups, forget loyalty to conference.

It's musical chairs and if you're not well-alligned when the music stops, you are S-O-L.
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Which brings me back to USC's scandal.

There are some who say that college football should pay players.

If they do, perhaps Reggie Bush was ahead of the game.

But, what I find funny is the hypocracy.

On the one hand, you're saying TISK, TISK USC, you shouldn't allow players to have ANY money.

On the other, academic institutions are EACH running with their hands out to split the millions that sports generate.
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I'm glad USC's empire fell.

Unlike Miami's success in the 80's and 90's, Southern Cal's dynasty proved to be a Trojan horse.

89-Year Old Journalists Say The Darndest Things...

2010-06-07T22:32:00.007-04:00

Many people are outraged about the remarks of Helen Thomas (not pictured).

There is no question that some of what she said was downright antisemitic.

You can't say, of Jews in Israel, "They should go home... To Poland, to Germany"... and not expect fallout.
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I'm not opposed to Helen Thomas questioning Israel's actions.

That's her job.

As a journalist, her responsibility is ask probing questions to help us all find truth.

She's supposed to take the most important decision-maker in the world (The President) to task about his thoughts, beliefs, actions, policies... and on and on.

When you have that esteemed front-row seat near the President, the bar is even higher.

So if she wanted to question the recent attack on the water, I would've been for her right to free speech.
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But, the woman is almost 90, and not such a fan of jews.

There's a very popular website called ***t my dad says.

It's a guy who posts funny, odd, off-the-wall statements by his father, who may or may not be senile.

I wish I could file this under that category.

I just can't.
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Helen Thomas was born in 1920.

She graduated from college in 1942.

That means, while the atrocities of the Holocaust were taking place, this was a college-educated woman.

As such, she probably had a PRETTY good idea that sending jews "back to Germany" is somewhat loaded verbiage.

As someone who made her living with words for 60-plus years, she knows better, or should.
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Helen Thomas isn't the first person to say something ignorant and hurtful, nor is she the last.

The sad aspect to this story, is that before her little David Duke moment, she was an esteemed trailblazer.

That's a tough gig to get.

So now, she'll make her journey from working for Hearst to her hearse.

Shalom.

Three Cheers For Yuri...

2010-06-06T00:39:00.008-04:00

This is a blog entry about boxing.

But it's really about Jewish identity.

I wanted to give props to a wonderful performance put on Saturday night by Yuri Foreman (not pictured and I believe no relation).

---------------------------------
I was intrigued by the Foreman-Cotto fight because of the venue.

I would LOVE to see a boxing match at new Yankee Stadium, would've paid to have seen one at OLD Yankee Stadium.

So already, I thought it was cool.
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Then, just for the heck of it, I decided to look up Foreman for a bit.

I was really impressed to learn that he the Super Welterweight Champ, and was also studying to be a Rabbi.

I think back to my hebrew school days at Beth Shalom and Temple Sinai of Hollywood, don't remember seeing many fights and-or potential fighters.

The worst confrontation was when someone threw a fireball (the old candy) at another kid (and it stuck to his head)... now that was funny!

My high school was mostly Jewish, and it was my understanding that we didn't have a football team because of insurance purposes.
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Jewish culture hasn't traditionally emphasized sports.

We are taught to celebrate the fact that Sandy Koufax refused to pitch in the World Series because it was Yom Kippur, a lot more than we are taught to recognize that he's one of the most dominant left-handed pitchers in baseball history.

Back in the day, I'm talking Ellis Island Days, there were great Jewish fighters. It's like Chris Rock said, your status on the socioeconomic ladder has a direct correlation to how many successful boxers you produce.

The sweet science wasn't emphasized. Regular science, sure. Becoming a doctor or lawyer was more of a priority.
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So, on the rare occassions when a Jewish sports star shines bright, there's a little extra pride that kicks in.

That guy had a bar mitzvah.

That guy went to Hebrew School.

That guy's mother probably calls him 12 times a day.

It's a shared cultural heritage, in an arena that's not familiar.
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Here's how rare it is: I'm writing this glowing blog, and Foreman was actually knocked out in the 9th round.

As my Bubby might say, What he should win every fight?

Do The Right Thing Bud...

2010-06-02T23:14:00.005-04:00

There seems to be a perfect game motif to this blog.

Bud Selig (not pictured) has an opportunity to right a wrong.

He has an opportunity to provide justice in an unjust world.

He has a chance to make things right.

Bud Selig neeeds to overturn that atrocious call at first, and give Armando Galarraga his perfect game.
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By all accounts, Bud Selig has been an awful custodian of the game of the baseball.

The steroid era happened on his watch.

Competitive balance ran amock.

He had an all-star game that was a tie.

And overall, he's kind of a doof.

But, I don't think EVERYTHING that he's done has been bad.

I like interleague play.
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But love him or hate him, here's a chance for Bud Selig to do the right thing.

A perfect game is retiring 27 out of 27 batters.

Galarraga did that.

Jim Joyce CLEARLY messed up the last call.

SO, Galarraga got the 28th batter.

Just admit the call was wrong, and let history books reflect that 21 perfect games have been thrown.

We all saw it.

Who among us would object?
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Jim Joyce isn't the first ump or ref to blow a call.

Backjudge Terry Porter cost the Miami Hurricanes a National Championship.

October 26, 1985, Don Denkinger blows a call at first, the Royals go on to beat the Cardinals in the World Series.

1996 Yankees fan Jeffrey Maier reaches over the right field wall and steals the ball from Tony Torasco, allowing Derek Jeter a pivotal home run (thank god he did).

Bad calls are a part of baseball.
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This just feels so different.

What's the point of being commissioner if you can't take action for the "good of the game."

Sometimes you need to throw out the rule books and use common sense.

ANYONE who watched it, saw the highlights, or is reading this knows, the kid pitched a perfect game.

Why not get it right for once, bud?

Do the moral thing.

Just this one time.

Make a decision that you can be proud of.

Besides, the Marlins have been planning on selling ticket stubs to the Detroit-Cleveland game.

Eyewitness To History... Sort Of

2010-05-30T00:45:00.003-04:00

I (not pictured) have always DREAMED of seeing a no-hitter or perfect game in person.

I have been going to baseball games my WHOLE life.

From my early days of going to Canes games at Mark Light Stadium, to Yankees Spring Training in Fort Lauderdale, to the countless Marlins games I've been to in South Florida, I've ALWAYS, ALWAYS wanted to be there when a special game happened.
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The crazy thing about a no-hitter or a perfecto is, you REALLY never know when they're going to happen.

A few years ago, when Anibal Sanchez threw his no-hitter, I was on the road to Tampa. I would've gone to that game, but I had other plans.

So I missed it.

Then, last season, I went to see the Marlins play the Dodgers.

Lefty Clayton Kershaw had a no-hitter into the 8th.

I sat there on the 3rd base side and thought, today's the day.

It wasn't.
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Saturday night, I FINALLY had the chance to witness history.

But, just like me, I didn't get to stay the WHOLE game.

During my dinner hour, I drove from work, to watch the Marlins game.

I wanted to see SOME of Josh Johnson against Roy Halladay.

With two studs like that on the mound, it was a show worth enjoying.

Bottom 6, I was WELL AWARE that Halladay was perfect, but I also knew, I had to get back to work.

So as I walked back to my car, I was CERTAIN that Halladay was going to complete the job!

Of course he did.
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When I was a kid, I used to play video games against my brother.

When he was CERTAIN that I was going to win, he'd throw the Ninetendo remote at the power-source shutting off the game.

Then just as Tecmo Bowl shut down, he'd say "No proof."

That's how I feel about this magical moment.

Sure, I was there, but not really.

The last 6 outs are ALWAYS the most special, and I technically wasn't there.
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The one saving grace in this whole situation is the following.

On father's day in 1964, Jim Bunning threw the OTHER perfect game in Philadelphia Phillies history.

My dad was at that game against the Mets.

Saturday night, I attended (in part), the OTHER perfecto, 46 years later.

That's a cool connection (even though we're both Yankee fans).

I just wish I had seen the last 6 outs.

Oh well, nobody's perfect (except Roy Halladay and 19 other pitchers).

The Audacity of Hoop...

2010-05-27T00:44:00.004-04:00

The Boston Celtics (perhaps pictured) find themselves dazed and confused.

This is getting fun.

The Orlando Magic fought back and have now taken two in a row from Boston.

The C's are halfway to an EPIC collapse.

And this could come RIGHT AFTER the Bruins blew not just a 3-0 series lead, but a 3-0 lead in Game 7.

Man would that be delicious.
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Talk about a moment that captures the essence of what's going on...

During Game 5, Dwight Howard throws an accidental (wink, wink) elbow that CLOBBERS Big Baby Davis in the head.

Davis lost a tooth.

He also had a concussion.

He got off the ground and was walking like a drunk participant in a dizzy bat race (is there a dumber in-game promotion?).

Big Baby staggered into the waiting arms of... the ref. Thankfully, he didn't fall face first onto the court.

So there you have it.

Boston trying to deliver the knockout blow gets knocked the HECK out by a game Orlando team.

Stan Van Gundy, the so-called 'Master of Panic,' has his team loose and playing together.
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Still, to complete the gag, the Magic have to win another in Boston.

In my view, you have to get on the C's EARLY.

Get that crowd from pumped to freaked the heck out.

Still, between Kendrick Perkins' ejection and multiple injuries, the Celtics are learning, the longer you let a team hang around, the more problems that can arise.
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And then there's the Lakers coronation that isn't.

Kobe is just about the only person who brough his game from Los Angeles to Phoenix.

Reason number 10,000 why I hate most sports-talk... I've heard hosts breaking down the Lakers-Celtics series.

These guys were literally talking matchups.

Too soon?

Phoenix showed they are the deeper team in Games 3 and 4.

Now if they could only get their bench players to show up for ONE road game, we could really be in business.

I have to go to Monty Python to describe Phoenix and Orlando... They're not dead.

Is it just a flesh wound?

Game 5 in LA is Thursday night.

Can't wait.

Super Cold...

2010-05-25T17:28:00.006-04:00

Miami (not pictured) has lost out to New York/New Jersey for the 2014 Super Bowl.

Economically, it's a hit for my hometown.

Personally, I love it when the Super Bowl comes here. I went to 2 of the games, and had a blast both times.
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With that said, people are complaining about the weather for the Super Bowl.

How dare you host an event in New York City in the winter?

I say, who cares?

First of all, real fans aren't the ones buying tickets to Super Bowl games.

The guy who buys 8 Dolphins games in section 415, 2 preseason games, and 10 parking passes, can't afford to go to the game if it's in New York or South Florida.

Some corporate suit who is trying to woo an extra client, who doesn't know Drew Brees from Drew Barrymore, that's who is going to be sitting there.

So I say, let him freeze.

Most people are hoping for good weather, I want a g.d. monsoon.

I hope his hands are so numb that he can't even put in his bluetooth to check the foreign markets.
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Secondly, as for the events themselves, New York-New Jersey is awesome.

People go there independent of the weather.

New York is one of the biggest tourist destinations in the galaxy for a reason.

Hotels, restaurants, bars... New York is first class.

They've had Super Bowls in Detroit and Jacksonville.

You gonna tell me New York can't handle an event like this?

Please.

I've been to the World Series in New York on several occassions.

It's always cold.

And it's always amazing.
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Some have even had the nerve to complain about the conditions for the players.

Does this argument even need addressing?

We're talking about FOOTBALL.

These guys are paid millions of dollars.

AND it's the Super Bowl.

If they were playing a Super Bowl on the surface of the sun, and you offered Dan Marino the chance to quarterback it, you don't think he'd take it?

I say, let's enjoy.

It should be a great game and a great time.

In the words of Alicia Keys, let's hear it for New York....

The Fleecing Of America????

2010-05-25T11:18:00.010-04:00

Bono: Great philanthropist and rock God or self-righteous douchebag?

That's the question I pose to you today.
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I like U2.

There's something about their music that makes me want to riot in Dublin and I'm a jew from Hollywood, Florida.

Their music FEELS like protest music (though I'll be damned I know what they're so upset about).
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So Bono's 50.

In preparation for his concert, he threw out his back.

Not shocking, and one of the perils when you like a band with a front-man on the wrong side of the half-century mark.

Shows have been cancelled, including the one here in South Florida at Sun Life Stadium.

They are planning another show for 2011.

But in the meantime, they're holding people's money.

Think about that.

There are people who gave $500 in 2009, and won't get to see a show until SOMETIME in 2011.

That's not cool, especially in this economy.

So, if U2 cares about their fans, they will do the right thing.
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Today, I posted the article about the concert change on my facebook page, and a fascinating discussion emerged.

The heart of it is this: I said, the world is a better place because of Bono.

A HUGE U2 fan said, he questions any philanthropy where someone does a good thing, and then calls the Entertainment Tonight cameras over to spotlight his kind act.

So which is it?

Is Bono self-serving or does he serve humanity?

Culturally...

2010-05-25T00:21:00.006-04:00

It's been a HUGE week for television fans.

Two tremendously popular series have come to an end and my feeling is...

Absolutely nothing.

"24" and "Lost" were two SMASH network hits, and I can honestly say, I haven't seen an episode of either.
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These shows definitely were the talk around the watercooler.

People loved them.

And if my facebook news feed is any indication, there were serious splits among the "Lost" folks about the last episode.

As I interpret everyone's feed, the BIG ENDING WAS, everyone on the island was dead.

So wait, there was an awful plane crash and it took 6 years to figure out that everyone was dead?

I sort of gathered that from the inital trailer, but hey, whatever makes you happy.
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"24" changed television forever.

It was in real time!

What a catch!

I'm not anti-Jack Bauer.

I'm sure he's a bad-ass and saves the world.

The reason I never jumped on that bandwagon was that it was network tv.

If I'm going to have a show about killing and secret-agent stuff, I'm going to need real violence and foul language.

Spoiler alert 2, Jack Bauer didn't die.

SHOCKING!

You don't think they'd like to franchise that popular show into a movie?
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The bigger point is this.

I actually felt badly for fans of both shows.

I've been there.

It's really sad when a series ends.

I still remember the Seaver family clearing out their house at the end of "Growing Pains." That was highly traumatic.

When the Sopranos ended, that put a REAL void in my life.

What the hell was I going to do on Sunday nights? (and what the hell happened in that last scene?).

So I get it.

I really do.

And by all accounts, these were two quality shows.

It's nice to see shows with actual writers and ideas finding an audience.

It's refreshing to remember that America likes more than karaoke and reality shows.

Why I Hate Emoticons....

2010-05-21T00:21:00.005-04:00

My brother (not pictured) told me that if I wanted more activity on the blog, I'd have to take harder stances.

He said I'd have to tackle controversial subjects and say inflammatory things.

So how about this: Emoticons go ***K yourself :)
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Here's a multiple choice question for you.

By adding an emoticon two sentences ago, I proved that
A. I was kidding
B. I'm a 12-year old girl
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Emoticons are the death of human discourse.

They represent a low-point in communication.

They're a grownups way of say "not!"
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I know.

We're all communicating in various forums now.

Many of them are new, most of them are written.

Between texting, im-ing, twitter, facebook, and all other social messaging means, we're writting to each other more than ever.

And on rare occassions, that can lead to misunderstandings.

But that doesn't mean we need to resort to emoticons.
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People use emoticons to test limits.

A guy can tell a girl, let's go back to my place :)

By putting the ridiculous little symbol, this goes from a direct invitation for coitus, to giving that guy an out if the request backfires.

I say, Man up! If you want to say something, go for it.

I'd love to read the sexual harrassment lawsuit where the accused says, "No, I wasn't harrassing her, don't you see the smiley face."
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People need to mean what they say, and say what they mean.

Get to your point already.

Don't mask it.

If you write "My dog was just flattened by a truck"... you don't need to throw in the :(

I'm pretty sure from context clues, I can gather that you are sad.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Emoticons aren't creative, they stifle our ability to express ourselves.

They are weakening our vocab and create a new, dumber version of ourselves.

Look throughout history's great documents, find any emoticons?

If we were able to write the Declartion of Independence, Federalist Papers, and Constitution without emoticons, I'm pretty sure you can communicate with Bob in accounting without using them.

Grow up :)

Snookered?

2010-05-20T00:47:00.003-04:00

Were the Miami Dolphins snookered into signing Brandon Marshall (not pictured)?

That's the question every Miami Dolphins fan had to be asking after the first day of OTAs.

Football shouldn't matter in May.

But when your newly-acquired $50 million man is on an exercise bike while the rest of the team is practicing, there's cause for concern.
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Cleo was not the only Lemon the Dolphins have had in recent history.

Plenty of times the Dolphins have dealt for guys who were sub-par, or hurt, or worse yet, named Joey Harrington.

But this was supposed to be different.

Brandon Marshall is by all accounts a certified bad-ass.

He's one of the best wide receivers in the NFL and a dominant force.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
So why is it, on day 1 of off-season workout number one, it's suddenly sprung on us that he's had off-season surgery?

That's information that *MAY* have been slightly useful prior.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Dolphins KNEW that Marshall had surgery on his hip before.

My question is: Did DENVER know that Marshall would need a cleanup again?

Where were the beat writers on this story?

I'm sure getting your hip scoped in May won't impact him too much when the season rolls around.

But it's a fairly inauspicious start for the Dolphins new star.

And to make matters worse, he was wearing Ted Ginn's number.

Here's hoping that Marshall changes numbers and produces as expected.

This is way more than any football fan should have to worry about an OTA.

Handling Hanley

2010-05-18T02:30:00.007-04:00

.342, 24 home runs, 106 RBI, 27 stolen bases.

Those are rock star numbers that Hanley Ramirez (pictured for many South Florida fans who are clueless about how good this guy is) put up in 2009.

So why are the Marlins having issues with their super-star?
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The reason is simple, he's acting like a jerk.

Hanley is in the middle of a 6-year, $70 million dollar contract.

And yet, he has dogged it on several occassions.

That's the unforgivable in sports.

Not trying.

If you don't try during a pickup basketball game, your buddy may want to fight you.

Imagine how Jeffrey Loria felt watching his $70 million dollar man kick the ball around like a 3rd grader.
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Fredi took A step by pulling Hanley out of the game.

But if it were me, it would've been immediate.

I wouldn't have let him finish the inning.

And it would've been by his ear.

Hurt or not, there is an element of professional pride that SHOULD kick in.
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With all that said, Hanley is in a bizarre position.

He puts up MONSTER numbers and is respected around the game.

Yet, on some nights, he plays in front of crowds that rival my Bar Mitzvah.

He's feared around the league, but could probably walk around the Aventura Mall undetected (actually have seen Josh Johnson there a few times, he was NEVER stopped).

How do you stay motivated for that?

I think all that money would help.
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Think about a baseball player's day.

They have to "try" for about 3 hours.

That's it.

You take BP, you hang out at the ballpark...

Who among us wouldn't take a $70-million job where 3 hours of effort are required?

And it's baseball, how much effort is needed?

Oh man, I had a strenuous day of spitting sunflower seeds, checking out the girls in the stands, fielding 3 ground balls, grabbing myself 1895 times...

Man, I need a nap.

Good thing, I get to sit for 25 minute intervals every half inning between at-bats.
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Despite his growing pains, Hanley continues to produce.

Aloof, difficult, productive...

Hanley really is starting to morf into those Manny being Manny comparisons.

In this case, yes, the juice is worth the squeeze.

If the Marlins don't want Hanley, every other team in baseball would be happy to take their problem off their hands.
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I can say this for all this Hanley nonsense, it's the most interesting thing to happen to the Marlins this year.

The Marlins have been moving along, playing around 500.

The real story of the Fish is that they're waiting for the big slugger Mike Stanton to come to town.

He might as well be named Godot.

Back to Hanley, bench him, sit him, doesn't matter, he's still your best player... for now.

Belated Book Review....

2010-05-17T02:36:00.004-04:00

Seeing as I was the last person in the world to read "Freakonomics" (not pictured), I thought I'd write a review about it.

It's one of those books that makes you feel smart, without actually having to be smart.

It's quasi-intellectual beach-reading.

I totally get why it was a best-seller.
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From an economists point of view, reading the work of Steven Levitt and Stephen Dubner is efficent.

Here's why.

You can gain all of the BENEFIT of their research, without having to incur ANY of the COST.

It's a nice little system.
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They make everything sound so simple.

They make economics sound so approachable and logical.

Everyone lies, but numbers don't.

That's one of their central themes.

I would counter with 19th century British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."
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I don't know how I feel about many of their premises.

Roe v Wade (first blog reference to Wade that wasn't about Dwyane) led to less crime. School teachers cheat like sumo wrestlers.

That they are correct is far less interesting, than the fact that they are interesting.
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True story.

I had a college economics professor who was FED up with the old 'gun vs. butter' example that is used in common economics.

And so, he decided to mix it up and talk about Mozartkuglen (he was Austrian).

Did it make me understand what was on the X-axis better?

Nope.

Did I appreciate his efforts and attempt to introduce me to a new treat?

Absolutely.
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That's how I feel about this book.

I'm not a devotee to Levitt and Dubner's work.

But I appreciate the effort.

Any book that introduces critical thinking skills to the masses is a good thing.

The problem is they make it sound like economics is easy.

You don't need math or research, just ask interesting questions.

Does using Mentadent cure erectile dysfunction?

Are dyslexic children good at hopscotch?

Did the rise of Vanilla Ice's popularity coincide with the plummet of the value of the yen?

Oh how 'Freakonomics' am I???
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
So yeah, I was entertained.

I liked the book.

I just think Levitt and Dubner are kind of full of it.

Least Valuable Player

2010-05-16T15:25:00.007-04:00

Bobby Moynihan (unfortunately pictured) is the least talented cast member that "Saturday Night Live" has ever had.

I don't say that for hyperbole's sake.

I've been watching the show for over 20 years.

He's the worst.

He's supposed to be the funny fat guy: He is neither fat nor funny.

He's literally done nothing funny in his time with the show.

Considering this is a show that has given us John Belushi and Chris Farley, that *THIS* is the only zaftig comedian that they can find, is disgraceful.

Last night, his "Snookie" impression was the height of non-hilarity.

The only reason I like this guy, he gives me practice in using the fast-forward button on my new tivo.
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Despite one clear waste of space, I think SNL has had its moments lately.

The Betty White/Jay-Z show was the highlight of the season.

It's a shame that wasn't the season finale.

The Alec Baldwin/Tom Petty show was tough to watch.

It's as if the crew wasted ALL of their good writing the previous week.

The skits weren't just bad, most of them were TOO long.

If a joke takes NINE minutes to develop, it had damn well better be funny.

There were a FEW moments worth mentioning on the positive side.

I really like Bill Hader's bit on Weekend Update where he recommends 'hot spots' in town. Still, it wasn't as funny as the first time he did it.

The microwave time machine skit was decent (albeit painfully long).
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alec Baldwin is a great SNL host.

He's a gifted actor and has comic chops.

Next time, perhaps you don't spend the whole week reading press clippings about the Betty White show, and instead, you know, do some actual writing.

Oh and Tom Petty, don't be afraid to play one of your hits.
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A fellow SNL fan, will retort to this breakdown.

His comments will be posted in the comments section.

I eager to hear what "Diss Bank' has to say.

Please read it.

The worst part?

Next week they're airing the repeat with Justin Bieber (wish I were kidding).

Waiting Game...

2010-05-14T01:17:00.006-04:00

Thank you Boston Celtics.

With their win over Cleveland I'm finally riveted by the NBA.

I'm sitting on the edge of my seat waiting to see what happens to the four men you see pictured: LeBron, Wade, Bosh, and Amare.

Dirk may also be changing teams this summer.

Joe Johnson is in play.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The NBA is now pure and total chaos.

I think LA will wrap up the title among the four teams that are left.

But Kobe had better celebrate while he can.

The landscape of the league, for the next DECADE, is now on the line.

The games between now and the handing out of the trophy are merely a footnote to the off-the-court activities.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
As for my hometown, Miami, I think we're in the hunt.

I've previously laid out why I think it's POSSIBLE for the Heat to sign both LeBron and Dwyane Wade.

I don't know how realistic that could be.

But leave me be.

Allow me to dream between now and July 8th (players can agree to deals July 1, but can't officially sign the contracts until July 8th).

This could be the makings of a dynasty.

OR, the Heat could suck for a long, long time.

Players like Dwyane Wade don't happen often.

If he left, it'd be like Sherman walking out of Atlanta. That's General Sherman, not former Heat and Syracuse guard Sherman Douglas (who happened to be nicknamed the General).

So, if I'm going to have a decade of awful basketball, at least, give me this month or so to dream big.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Civic pride is on the line BIG TIME this summer.

How big is your town?

How can you woo the best in the league to come to you?

New York has made their move, they've offered LeBron free lap dances for life at Scores.

Excuse me big apple.

But if you're going to appeal to LeBron's prurient interests, you're barking up the wrong tree.

We have a little more to offer here in Miami.

Now, if you were going to offer him unlimited museum tours.

Or if LeBron happened to have a hipster fetish, you'd be in luck (in your face Swifty).
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Chicago, New York, New Jersey, Miami, Los Angeles, Dallas...

This is the summer where EVERYONE is playing for keeps.

This free agency period promises to be more captivating than any NBA regular season, since Michael Jordan retired.

Frankly, once all these guys sign, the rest of the season is going to be anticlimactic.

The NBA: Where waiting for free agency happens.

Kirby's Choice

2010-05-13T00:16:00.002-04:00

Randy Shannon's contract extension puts Athletic Director Kirby Hocutt (not pictured) on the line.

He's saying: Randy's our guy.

I'm not saying it's a bad decision. I'm just saying what *IS* pictured is how I feel about it.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
To be fair to Randy Shannon, there are signs that the program is trending in the right direction.

Three straight years Miami has improved by two wins. That's a fact.

The Canes are performing well in the classroom. That's a fact.

The Canes are staying off the police blotter. That's a fact.

However, excuse me if I don't do cartwheels over a guy whose record at UM is 21-17 and who has exactly zero bowl wins or BCS appearances.

Not exactly a record that Jimmy Johnson or Howard Schnellenberger would envy.
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This is the year for Randy Shannon to prove that he's laying not just a solid foundation at the U, but an elite one.

As I wrote in my previous blog "There's No U In Mediocre," I was looking forward to Shannon having a contract year.

I liked Randy going into this season without a contract.

It showed his belief in his program.

From the school's perspective, either they would have an elite coach, or they would have the freedom to go find one.

Now all that's out the window.
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As a Canes fan, I will say this: Now it's on you Kirby.

You hitched your wagon on Randy Shannon.

In 3 years or so, if Miami's still meandering around 9 wins, you'll be the one who everyone turns to for answers.

Hope you're happy with your selection.

Chalk Outline...

2010-05-12T00:23:00.000-04:00

Excuse Pat Riley if he's starting to get excited.

That's because LeBron James (kind of pictured) is now ONE loss from being a free agent.

A very unhappy free agent.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The NBA has the Larry Bird rule in place to do the following: keep star players put.

The basis of the rule is that the CURRENT team can offer more money than any other bidding team to a free agent.

That's the reason I foresee Dwyane Wade staying in South Florida for a long time (well that and the restraining order he's going to take out on his bat***T crazy ex-wife, Glenn Close anyone?)

So yes, Cleveland can give LeBron more money than anyone else can.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
But, there's something that Miami has that Cleveland does not.

Cap space.

Right now, Cleveland is tapped out.

GM Danny Ferry has constructed his best shot at a title.

He brought in Moe Williams (even though Riley wanted him at the time) and he brought in Shaq (who the Heat were done with--- remember 'win a ring for the king').

And what's it gotten them?

If Boston knocks out Cleveland in the 2nd round of the playoffs, LeBron is going to have to do some serious thinking.

Cleveland has done EVERYTHING possible to build a winner, and can't get out of the conference finals. In the EAST.

Sure, you're a God here. Everyone is a witness, to your mediocrity.

You can throw up ALL the chalk you want, but you're left with no rings.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
And then there's Miami calling.

Go down and play with your buddy Dwade.

You both get max contracts.

The Heat will have some flexibity to throw in a few extra parts.

LeBron has two MVPs and is clearly the best overall player in basketball, but he has zero rings.

Riley has plenty.

He can shine them in LeBron's face and say: Magic, Kareem, Wade, Shaq... I got them all their precious. Do you want to be a part of that?
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Yes, New York can come calling.

They'll sell him on the big apple and Madison Square Garden.

But be honest, with Wade, Miami's closer.

I always say this, the Knicks are NOT the Yankees.

They have SOME tradition, but not the type that would lure LeBron.

Sure, there are marketing possiblities in New York.

But LeBron is already a one-man global brand.

No state income tax is a nice little cherry on top.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
One of my favorite Pat Riley expressions is: Hard work won't guarantee you anything, but without it, you don't stand a chance.

Well, if the Celtics get one more win over Cleveland, Miami has a chance at LeBron.

You could roll out Wade, LeBron, and put Justin Bieber at the point, and you'd reach the Eastern Conference Finals.

Can Leaveland say the same thing?

Ode To Obits...

2010-05-11T01:45:00.000-04:00

It seems a strange transition from Betty White to this... But this thought occurred to me today, so I thought I'd share.

I love obits (not pictured, well...)

When I open up my newspaper, I immediately go to sports.

I then go to living arts and the front page.

But, if I really want to luxuriate, and enjoy my paper, I'll go to the obituary page.
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Just think about the task of writing an obit.

Your job is encapsulate a person's entire life, in just a few paragraphs.

What a monumental task.

There are DAYS which I live which I think can't be summarized in just a few paragraphs.
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What I really like about obits is this...

In death, a good obit brings the person back to life.

When someone REALLY old dies, who was likely before my time, reading their obituary gives me a chance to discover their work.

It's so ironic.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Facebook has changed obits in strange ways.

Now it's a race to throw up the RIP on your page for a famous person.

The sooner you throw it up, the more you liked the person and thus, the cooler you are.

I'm guilty of this.

I think the most famous 'collective death' in recent memory was Michael Jackson's.

And for many people, it brought back music of their childhood.

I remember going to a bar in downtown Miami and they had a big projection screen showing videos from "Thriller."

But that was the easy obit to write.

Everyone had that experience.

The more obscure ones are fun for me.

I know morbid, but true.

And what better way to cross the 5-thousand hit marker than by writing about death.

If you need happier thoughts, just go throw on some Justin Bieber.